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| Question from Scared of Exports on 8/17/2012 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Scared of Exports, If your Hand is exporting you, there's no telling when he'll import you again! I strongly suggest you pack your things and take the first Warp portal out of there! Bring along plenty of food and seeds, and of course your family and friends, so you can start a new life on a new ship. Hopefully you'll find a Hand that doesn't relish in sending his Norns to Limbo! - Laura |
| Question from Panicked Norn on 8/16/2012 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Panicked Norn, That sounds like a rather nasty infestation! The first thing you should do is find a way to decrease the bug population. Luckily, the Ark has a few inhabitants that love to munch on tasty bugs! I recommend you make your way to the Norn Meso and gather up some Trapper seeds. Planting these around your home will make sure that any bug that gets too close gets eaten. I wouldn't worry about the Hand, they are known to be quite resilient (rumour has it they might even be invincible!) and it will recover just fine. Perhaps a soothing salve could help with the swelling? - Laura |
| Question from Terrified Norn on 8/16/2012 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Terrified Norn, The nature of the 'vay-cay-shun' has puzzled Norns since ancient times dating back to Albia's birth. However, secrecy is natural to the Handish race in this respect; we have reason to believe that this 'vay-cay-shun' is actually an obscure mating ritual, perhaps some form of dance, similar to the better known 'Choo Choo' or 'Egg Wiggle'! ![[nblush]](/images/smilies/emot_blush.gif "[nblush]") No doubt your Grendel search party has unwittingly stumbled across this tradition and has simply skulked off into hiding following the embarrassing episode. I am confident they'll return to report their findings, once their cheeks stop burning. And your Hand is also certain to return safe and maybe sooner than expected, as I'm sure it would never desert its Norns completely! Who knows, you might even hear the fluttering of little fingers soon.- Laura |
| Question from A Spacey Blonde on 8/16/2012 | comment Dear Laura, Dear A Spacey Blonde, Oh, you poor thing! I'm sure losing your memory must be nothing but terrifying and disorientating for you, but please be reassured when I tell you that it could be worse; at least you don't have delusions about eating elevators! ![[nscared]](/images/smilies/emot_scared.gif "[nscared]") Why don't you leave the high-tech world of cheese vendors and shiny buttons behind, and return to nature for a while? It sounds to me that escaping your normal routine is just what you need to get back on the mend. Just be careful to dodge any falling coconuts on your travels!- Laura |
| Question from Lost for Words on 8/15/2012 | 1 comment Dear Laura, Dear Lost for Words, Why don't you try practicing what you're going to say by asking a Grendel out first? Getting together with Dylan will be a piece of cake afterwards, I can assure you! Sure, you might end up having to go on a date with the Grendel as well, but what's an awkward rendezvous in the Jungle Terrarium and a token gift of fungi, compared to a romantic tea party in the gentle shade of Veridia with the Norn of your dreams? I think it's a small price to pay for true love. The Grendel might stare at you with hungry eyes, but be careful not to mistake that type of hunger with the hunger of passion! - Laura |
| Question from Jealous Norns on 8/15/2012 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Jealous Norns, The Hand is a strange being, easily distracted by the newest things to appear in the world. The baby Ettin is probably adorable, yet this lack of attention on the Hand's part is not its fault; you merely need to divert the attention back to yourselves. The trick is to fight cuteness with even more cuteness. If it's not possible for you to pull it off yourself, the solution is simple: find another baby to show to the Hand! It will be so pleased with your gesture that its focus is certain to fall back onto you. Just be sure to make it seem like the baby needs you and must be with you at all times! And if all else fails, kidnap the baby Ettin and dress it up like a Norn. That will be sure to get the Hand's attention! - Laura |
| Question from Very Embarrassed Norn on 8/15/2012 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Very Embarrassed Norn, Our Harlequin brothers and sisters have always been subject to some unfair attention because of their sense of style. Personally, I blame The Lone Shee for writing The Harlequin Norn Story! If anything it just goes to show that there's no accounting for taste when it comes to fashion, and your Hand is obviously quite the visionary in this field. The only thing you can do is close your eyes and imagine that you really are on vacation, until she's finished playing make believe. It wouldn't be wise to resist, not unless you want to find yourself dressed up as her personal jester! ![[nsmirk]](/images/smilies/emot_smirk.gif "[nsmirk]") - Laura |
| Question from Ettin-Rob on 8/15/2012 | 2 comments Dear Laura, Dear Ettin-Rob, My naive Ettin friend, unless she's amphibious, drenching her is no way to win her affections; she'll only think you're a spiteful bully! Take it from a Norn with some experience in matters of the heart, you have to push the females gently, and definitely away from water, in order to make your feelings known. A heartfelt apology, along with a peace-offering of exotic flowers, should be sufficient enough to diffuse any anger, and perhaps a towel so that the poor girl can dry herself off? For your sake, I hope that you've learnt a valuable lesson about courtship. Be friendly, take things slowly and you might find she's a fan of inter-species relationships... If she ever forgives you, that is! - Laura |
| Question from Laura's Secret Admirer on 8/15/2012 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Laura's Secret Admirer, Why, Secret Admirer, do you think that was kind to seek out my column and set my poor, simple, forest-girl's heart all a flutter? I am very susceptible you know. To answer your question, I find that the secret to the column's success and longevity is to take a long and much-needed break, so I can really relax and hone in my writing prowess, while keeping my devout fans waiting on their tippy-toes for the next instalment. Oh, and drinking tea, lots of tea... The life of an agony aunt is indeed a hard one. ![[nwink]](/images/smilies/emot_wink.gif "[nwink]") - Laura |
| Question from Tongue Tied Norn on 5/18/2011 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Tongue Tied Norn, Whether it was a very confused Grendel, or a mischievous Norn, playing a prank with an old, discarded Grendel hide it found, a nice hot shower will make you feel as good as new. Unless it's a cold shower you need.  - Laura |
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