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Question from Norn Torturer  on 12/11/2003 | comment

Dear Laura,
     Where can I find tips on how to torture my Norns? I need many sources. [evil]
- Norn Torturer

Dear Norn Torturer,
     You're telling me that you find pleasure in torturing innocent, vulnerable Norns? I don't know any sources and even if I did, I wouldn't tell you. All Norns deserve respect, they aren't just toys that you can kick around when you get bored. Want some advice? Get a hobby!
- Laura
Question from Onna  on 11/8/2003 | comment | 1 like

Dear Laura,
     My Norn, Charles, must think he's a lawyer or something. On several occasions, I've seen Charles, and two angry-faced Norns speaking babble; "Me dislike..." and snatching a toy or a piece of food out of the other Norn's hands. A few minutes later, Charles would give the food or the toy to one of the other Norns. That Norn would get happy, when the other one would eventually gain a smile and walk away. What's with my Norn's behavior?
- Onna

Dear Onna,
     What you've said is self-expanatory really. To me, it seems obvious that Charles wants to maintain the peace within Albia by keeping everyone happy. These are the true qualities of a peacemaker, let alone a lawyer. Keep him in your gene pool. ;)
- Laura
Question from Kat  on 10/19/2003 | comment

Dear Laura,
     I put my Mascot Norn underwater and she drowned. Why did she Drown?
- Kat

Dear Kat,
     Since Mascot Norns are non-aquatic, they shouldn't be placed into the water, as this only results in them drowning because of the lack of oxygen underwater.
- Laura
Question from Out Shone  on 9/23/2003 | comment | 1 like

Dear Laura,
     My favourite Norn followed me to school today, and even enrolled in several advanced placement classes! Now every other kid thinks he's the greatest thing since the Creatures Caves Forums, and he's at the top of my Algebra class! What should I do?
- Out Shone

Dear Out Shone,
     You raise a Norn to be super-intelligent and this is what happens! I think it's about time you showed him who's really the smartest in Albia, don't you? Take him onto The Weakest Link and let him face the wrath of the celebrity Hand, Anne Robinson! Getting lots of questions wrong and being made to walk the humiliating 'Walk of Shame' should cure him of his arrogance!
- Laura
Question from Sarah  on 9/21/2003 | comment

Dear Laura,
     My female Norn made this freaky-looking angry face and slapped her mate. Is she suffering from mood swings or something? I'm worried about her and the Norns around her.
- Sarah

Dear Sarah,
     What have you done to make her so angry? Download a nice punchbag COB so she can take her anger out on it; I'm sure her mate will be grateful to you too! Who knows, it may just be a bad case of constipation, for which I'd reccomend more 'good plants'. ;)
- Laura
Question from Agony Aunt in Agony  on 8/27/2003 | comment

Dear Laura,
     Help! I am an Agony Aunt on a well-visited website, yet recently I am getting very few questions submitted. What do you suggest that I do?!
- Agony Aunt in Agony

Dear Agony Aunt in Agony,
     Funny...I know an agony aunt in the exact same situation as you! I suggest that you be very patient and wait for people to be inspired, and ask you heaps of questions from the goodness of their hearts. I'm sure that they haven't forgotten you and realise how much you love your job. :)
- Laura
Question from Warm Brit  on 8/9/2003 | comment

Dear Laura,
     It's a scorching summer in Albia, and my Norns are getting very hot and unhappy. How do you suggest we cool off? I tried throwing them in the ocean, but they just end up drowning!
- Warm Brit

Dear Warm Brit,
     Supply your Norns with oxygen tanks before you throw them in!
- Laura
Question from Kiz  on 8/9/2003 | comment

Dear Laura,
     My Norn, Lil, is in love with another Norn called Pan. But Pan keeps going off and flirting with other Norns, even though he's supposed to be going out with Lil. She's getting really upset, what can I do?
- Kiz

Dear Kiz,
     Take Lil out on a blind date to cheer her up. Get a luxurious Limo COB and buy her a fancy new dress to make her feel special, because she obviously deserves someone better than that I am-the-Shee's-Gift-to-Females Pan.
- Laura
Question from Vega  on 6/9/2003 | comment

Dear Laura,
     I disagree with your opinion that pink hair is cool. One of my Norns, Sunny, got his hair dyed pink as a prank by another Norn, Athena. He was a dipstick before, and he still is.
- Vega

Dear Vega,
     What have you got against pink? I would naturally choose pink because it's my favorite color. I haven't had any complaints so far. ;) It sounds like Athena has good taste. You go girl! :D
- Laura
Question from Andio  on 6/6/2003 | comment

Dear Laura,
     My Norns have a soap-opera problem. My one male, Nick, loves a female, Kerry, who's mothered children with twenty random Nornlings so far (none of whom are Nick), and her cousin, Sarah, is in love with Nick's older brother, Chris (who has fathered one of Kerry's children). But Chris is in love with another Norn, Julia, who loves Nick. What should I do?
- Andio

Dear Andio,
     Hire a camera crew and a producer to write a storyline where Chris "accidentally" gets killed when he's tragically bundled by a mob of Ettins, dressed up in Grendel costumes, at a fancy dress party. The ratings will be higher than that popular Handish cartoon, 'The Simpsons'! Problem solved.
- Laura

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