Question from Repetitive Norn on 12/16/2010 | comment
Dear Laura, Help! I keep on repeating myself! I keep on repeating myself! What do I do? What do I do? - Repetitive Norn Dear Repetitive Norn, Have you ever considered a career change as a Parrot Norn? Scavenge some feathers from a Gosh-hawk's nest and I'm sure you'd fit right in! - Laura |
Question from Child Norn on 12/13/2010 | comment
Dear Laura, My friend just grew bigger! One moment, we were playing, and then she was bigger and didn't wanna play with me anymore! Why is she bigger? How can I get her to come play with me again? - Child Norn Dear Child Norn, There comes a time in every Norn's life, a few times even, when they reach the next stage in their development. Usually, this happens every few hours or so. You yourself might notice some changes in your body, such as a new walk, a sudden understanding of bigger words, thicker fur under your arms, and the urge to dance when you see a Norn of the opposite gender. As for not wanting to play with you, many Norns have an incredibly short attention span. Chances are you will already be occupied by something else by the time I?ve finished this reply. - Laura |
Question from Marah the Bondi Norn on 12/8/2010 | comment
Dear Laura, I'm a shy Norn, and while walking around in the jungle I fell in love with a Grendel... But the Hand won't let me go to him because it thinks it is too dangerous for me. How can I get out of the Norn Home and sneak into my lover's paradise without the Hand noticing me? - Marah the Bondi Norn Dear Marah the Bondi Norn, As wonderful as this Grendel boy may seem to you right now, I'm afraid this relationship won?t work out in the long run. They say opposites attract, but I sense that your two Terrariums are just too far apart. What do you have in common, other than pixels? I have never seen a Grendel riding any waves, or proudly showing off his tan and I?m not sure how a timid Norn, like yourself, would feel after a boisterous round of 'hit machinery' or after mud bathing in the swamp. So rather than risk betraying your Hand?s trust (not to mention your furry little be-hind!) I suggest that you become pen pals with him instead, from the safety of the Comms Room, and look for love elsewhere. - Laura |
Question from Regi the Strange Ettin on 12/7/2010 | comment
Dear Laura, I am an Ettin, but I don't feel like an Ettin. I don't want to steal gadgets, and I hate the desert. The other Ettins called me strange and kicked me out of their society. What should I do? Should try to be like the others, or go my own way? - Regi the Strange Ettin Dear Regi the Strange Ettin, I've only heard this through the tomato vine, but rumour has it there is an impostor amongst the Ettins! Indeed, some crafty Norn has been posing as one of your own, making all your brethren highly suspicious of each other. Being different surely won't help in such a tense environment. What you could do is try to find this fake and unmask him. Is there an Ettin that seems to be trying very hard to be as industrious and gadget-hoarding as possible? He probably has a strange haircut and a funny walk. Once you've uncovered him, I'm certain the other Ettins will hail you as their hero and, despite all your differences, will realise you truly are part of their tribe. - Laura |
Question from Chicken Norn in Distress on 12/6/2010 | comment
Dear Laura, I need your help, Laura! Yesterday, the Hand brought me into this weird machine, pressed a few buttons, and I haven't been the same since! I started growing feathers, my mouth has been replaced with a beak, and I have the urge to peck at the ground constantly. Also, for some odd reason, I get up at dawn when the sun is rising (I've never woken up earlier than 11:00 AM before!) and make a 'a-doodle doo' noise! It makes my neighbors angry, they're threatening to make me into chicken wings with a side of bramboo! I just can't help not a-doodling. Please help me... - Chicken Norn in Distress Dear Chicken Norn in Distress, Normally I would gladly answer your question, but I'm afraid I'm having a rather bad day today. I was awoken far too early this morning, by an incredibly loud racket and can barely keep my eyes open. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some bramboo to pick and a neighbour to invite over for dinner. - Laura |
Question from Scared Norn on 12/4/2010 | comment
Dear Laura, Please help me! My Hand has gone berserk; it's started breeding Grendels and putting Norns in with them in an enclosed space! I'm afraid I'll be next! Please help me, Laura! - Scared Norn Dear Scared Norn, Tuck your tail between your legs, fold your ears against your head and try to steal as many gadgets as you can! With any luck, the Hand hasn't begun experimenting with Ettins yet. - Laura |
Question from Trapped Norndoll on 12/2/2010 | comment
Dear Laura, All of a sudden I woke up inside a cardboard box, and I can't move! I can hear people speaking about 'delivery', but I don't know what it means! Can you tell me how to escape before my stuffing bursts with anxiety? - Trapped Norndoll Dear Trapped Norndoll, Don?t spill your beans! You?re about to embark on a long journey and boldly go where no Norn has ever gone before. Go to sleep in your cardboard box (and try to bundle up warm in the bubble wrap, as it might be colder where you?re going!) and when you awake, everything will be new and exciting; very different from Albia. You may find this new world a bit strange when you first arrive. I?ve heard tales that there are lemons the size of your head, and that your new caretaker?s dirty socks are one of many new dangers... Fear not though, because you will be well looked after! - Laura |
Question from Mar-Mar on 12/1/2010 | comment
Dear Laura, I found a mushroom in the jungle, and it's amazing! I'm so much taller than everyone else now! Unfortunately, the effects wear off when I get hit, but I found a small patch of them, now I've depleted the patch. Where should I look for more? - Mar-Mar Dear Mar-Mar, I'm glad you came to me for help, as your siblings have also expressed their concerns to me privately. You need to rid yourself of this taste for potent fungi, before you become a danger to yourself and to others. Who knows what might happen if you start imagining that the Grendel, who?s gnashing its teeth in your direction, actually wants to be your friend, or if you become trapped, since your vast height is too great for any door! I have scheduled a group therapy session with the Hoverdoc for you, where you can talk about your problem with mushrooms in the company of a few other creatures, and help each other to once again enjoy the simple pleasures of eating carrots and pressing buttons. - Laura |
Question from Em Cold on 11/29/2010 | comment
Dear Laura, It's winter and it's very cold. The Hand does it's best and tries to make the world warmer but it's still really cold. The Hand is worried because it's -13 degrees. Where I can buy some clothes for myself? - Em Cold Dear Em Cold, Well, you could try tailoring clothes out of branches and leaves, but I imagine that they?d get itchy after a while. Instead, tell the Hand to get its shearing gloves on and find a generous AquaSheep for the wool to turn into some seasonal knitwear. What about a bobble hat, or perhaps a pair of long johns to keep out the cold? Just don't attempt to use the shears yourself; we wouldn't want you lopping off an ear. - Laura |
Question from Scared Hand on 11/29/2010 | comment
Dear Laura, I have a big problem! One day, I was playing with my Norns and one of them, Julie, was pushing the elevator button. I thought it was fine and went to bed. However, the next day when I came back, all of my Norns were gathered around the elevator button and they were worshipping it! They even wore clothes. Julie's wearing a button hat and they're speaking this weird language called 'Buttonish'. It's like they're obsessed with it! When I tried to push the elevator button, they got mad at me and Julie said, "Hand go away. Great Leader Button dislike Hand. Norns dislike Hand!" ... and then they started throwing nuts and apples in the shape of buttons at me! I am now hiding somewhere in the Norn Terrarium, but I can hear them talking about "Offering Hand to Great Leader Button..." I'm scared, please help me! - Scared Hand Dear Scared Hand, In order to thwart a mutiny, you need to make an example of the ringleader. As she appears to have started these riots, and is wearing 'the' button hat, I suspect that Julie is the guilty Norn. Export her from your hard drive, then fix her to the outside of your front door and use her as an innovative new doorbell; make the punishment fit the crime! I have a feeling she?ll tire of chiming in 'Buttonish' whenever someone rings, very quickly. She?ll want to nuzzle up to her favourite five-digit friend again in no time, with her accomplices fighting for your attention.  - Laura |
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