Dear Laura,
     I keep hearing Hands going on and on about 'Tea'. I've gathered that it is a drink, commonly brown, and it's hot. Judging from the way the Hands are talking, it sounds like a very good beverage. So I asked my Hand if I could have a cup. But sadly, the Hand said I couldn't, because it's not in the game. Tell me Laura, do you have any idea how I could enjoy a cup of this fine sounding liquid? And could you tell me more about it, perhaps?
- Tea Craving Norn

Dear Laura,
     There is this one really cute Norn in the Meso, called Henry, who I really like. He said that he would marry me, but that we have to adopt a pink Poodle Ettin if we get married! I hate dogs, because they always bite me, but I also love my beloved Henry! What should I do, Laura?
- Love Struck Norn

Dear Laura,
     Ever since I was a hatchling, I've always dreamed of becoming a successful singer. Unfortunately, all of the other Ettins think it's a stupid dream, and that I should just stick to hoarding machinery. Do you have any advice on how I can eventually achieve my dream?
- Ettin Singer

Dear Laura,
     I am a Norn from Creatures Village, and there was this really cute Norn running around. His skin was the absolute CUTEST shade of green, and he had red freckles all over him! What's more, he made the strangest sounds as though he were sneezing! Isn't that cute? The Hand was walking with him to the garden one day, so I got some flowers out of the box on top of the house. I was ready to give them to him, while the Hand was taking him out of what it calls the "Horsey Area" or something. Or at least I thought it was him. I saw a familiar foot step out, but the rest was different. His skin had lost its green tinge and his freckles were GONE! As it was obviously a different Norn, I walked away, feeling quite sad. Tell me, Laura, how do I find my beloved?
- Freaky for Freckles

Dear Laura,
     Laura, I am frightened! You see, there was this Grendel that I made into a couch (I didn't kill it, some Norns just gave him to me and told me to make a sofa out of it). Well, I had finished making it, however two days later, I began having strange dreams, visions if you will, of the Grendel whom the hide belonged to. He only used to come at night, but now he is everywhere! He is looking over my shoulder as I write this letter! I know he is a ghost because he is translucent! What do I do? How do I make him go away? And why is there never a decent cup of tea on this spaceship?
- Terrified Norn

Dear Laura,
     I have a problem. When I was out in the Jungle Terrarium, I poked a Grendel and it hit me. So I poked it again and it hit me again. But the third time I poked it, it started a 'phi-lo-so-phi-cal' discussion about the nature of the 'u-ni-verse' in which we live! I think there is something wrong with the game, what do I do?
- Concerned Ettin

Dear Laura,
     I have a rather major problem. I'm supposed to be the guy who hooks up gadgets in such a manner that it helps the whole Ark. That's not what happens in reality. No matter how often I tell myself I should focus on the important things, my mind gets bored and I wind up focusing on the time wasters such as the Learning Machine. Thus, I ask if there's any way to get myself back on track and focus on the things that matter. Life is short, after all, and I'd hate to simply see it all go to waste.
- Distracted Ettin

Dear Laura,
     I was enjoying a nice cup of tea in the Meso when suddenly it started flying away! I tried to go after it, but some mysterious force hoisted me from my seat! Soon, everything was floating, and whizzing, by me! I'm just grateful that I managed to get to a computer so I could write to you! Please help, Laura! What do we do?
- Floating Norn

Dear Laura,
     I like to eat carrots and enjoy all varieties; green, purple, orange and yellow. Sometimes I like the green ones more than the orange ones, or the orange ones more than the purple ones, but I still think the yellow ones are the best! I also love them in all sizes; small, medium, large, or extra large! However, a while ago, some Grendels ate them and then died suddenly from a 'Cyanide attack'. They were eating the yellow ones (which are my favorite ), and only sampling orange and the purple ones. They left the green ones because they thought they were poisoned (muhahahaha)! All I want to know is: will I suffer a 'Cyanide attack' too if I eat them?
- Worried Butterfly Norn

Dear Laura,
     My name is Behtron 9000. I am a robotic Grendel built by the Hand as an experiment; a very successful one, if I do say so myself. I have a grave problem. Several years ago, our partially organic ship was infected by a virus of still unknown origin. It wiped out all organic life on the ship (including the Hand) and reduced its functioning to a bare minimum. I was the only being left. Fortunately, I had enough batteries to last me for the rest of my predicted lifespan, but with no-one else for company, and no non-essential machinery to tinker with, I grew bored and lonely. Eventually, I decided to alter my own programming, introducing a second personality to play with and keep me company. My only option, without the materials needed, was to construct a second droid. I dubbed him 'Behtron 9001'. However, I made an error in the calculations, and 9001's strength exceeded what I intended. Furthermore, his personality has proved somewhat... erratic. He now has total control of "our" body, and is slowly but surely steering the ship towards a black hole. I cannot access his thoughts very well, but I do detect faint blurry images of... Doozers. Please, Laura, save me from myself!
- Behtron 9000