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| Question from Yours forever, Romeo on 10/27/2005 | comment | 1 like Dear Laura, Dear Yours forever, Romeo, Oh Romeo, Romeo...  I am so very sorry, but I am afraid I'm somewhat already attached to AquaShee, Lord of all oceans blue. You see, when Liam cruelly jilted me and left me standing at the altar, my Lord came to my rescue and swore that from then on, I shall forever be his. And of course, I accepted. Being the fair young maiden that I am, always eager for a good whirlwind romance, I just couldn't tear myself away from his fiendishly handsome beard, or his crazy jellyfish thing! Hence, he took me upon his noble steed, and we both rode off into the sunset. We've never looked back since. I did love Liam; my cup runneth over with love for him in fact, but now my cup has been emptied and a little residue is all that remains. So you see regretfully, it is with a heavy heart that I must turn down your most generous proposal. I am sorry that I cannot be the Norn of your dreams, but I shall also remind you, that there are many pebbles on the beach and other fish in the sea. Never lose hope Romeo, there is no reason why the right Norn shouldn't come along.- Laura |
| Question from Nishette on 10/14/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Nishette, I can categorically say that the 'niceness' you describe is only something that I show to people who ask clever and well-formed questions. If you were to re-submit your question, without punctuation and accompanied by 'l33t' spelling, ("y0 d00d th1s 5h1zZ47 RoXx0rzZ!!!!!!11eleven1111one" - I mean, really, what's the point?  ) you would soon find out that I am not the oh-so-friendly-pea-green-pen-totting Treehugger that I appear to be, but instead a ferocious female who can unleash the uncapped fury of a Hardman at will.  - Laura |
| Question from Mean Norn on 10/10/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Mean Norn, Well, Mean Norn, hitting people for no other reason than to cause harm to others could be caused by a case of troubled feelings, brought on by a distinctive period of emotional turmoil during your childhood. Therefore, you should revisit your childhood spiritually, and defeat the demons causing your anxiety. You'll be a better Norn for it afterwards and I'm sure you'll make lots of new friends.  - Laura |
| Question from Grendels Hate Me on 10/7/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Grendels Hate Me, Grendels aren't used to being petted as your Norns are, because let's face it; a slap is a sign of affection amongst their species. You really shouldn't punish your Grendels for not loving you either, it just isn't in their nature for them to respond to affection in a Nornish way. Saying that, you still need to care for them, but if you try to care for them as if they're Norns, they won't take you seriously. Of course, they are rougher than the Norns, but if you treat them correctly, they will respond with their own Grendel-like affections. In order win their respect back, you could always supply them with a Beowulf Norn piñata that they can hit at will with sticks, I'm sure that's something that they will appreciate. - Laura |
| Question from Guybrush on 10/6/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Guybrush, I hear that 'Arsenic' has an interesting effect on enzymes and that protein-rich beings, like the Hand, have a severe weakness in this area. Why don't you slip some into its morning coffee? - Laura |
| Question from Bamboozled Hand on 9/27/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Bamboozled Hand, I've come across this problem many, many times in my years of studying Norn Psychology, and I've come to the conclusion that adolescent Norns need a lot more sleep in general than the others, especially after a heavy night at the Hooch still. Why don't you agree on a "wake up" time he adheres to on school days, to keep his attendance levels good, and let him sleep in on other days?- Laura |
| Question from Curious About Norns on 9/23/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Curious About Norns, Maybe the Norns were created because Steve Grand was bored one day and wanted something to do? I don't know. After death, had the Norn in question obeyed the hand unquestionably, spoken only when spoken to, played kindly with all distant relations, and finally went swimming in the piranha pool when instructed, they get to sent to Silicon Heaven, a haven where one (according to some Greek Norn philosophers) can enjoy eating all the cheese and honey one likes. There is no sickness there, nor Grendels. On the other hand, if the Norn in question was bad, well... Let's just say death is a little less enjoyable. Some also say that there is nothing after death, but then, where would all the calculators go? - Laura |
| Question from Bamboozled Hand on 9/22/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Bamboozled Hand, Well, obviously your Nornette has been on the 'Net' in the wee hours of the morning. Perhaps an internet addiction is the problem here. Get her out, put her in the basketball team at Norn School, and see if there are any changes. I, uh, can't speak from experience at all, of course. I'm always out, uh, playing, um, sport and stuff. - Laura |
| Question from Yendred on 9/22/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Yendred, It seems that you have discovered some of the joys we once discovered in playing with your world, Albia. And, like us, you will make similar mistakes. You will seek to exploit '1D-WORLD' and use it to your advantage. You will soon know the pain, and fear we once knew, but no more. We befriended the likes of you, and we now live in peace and harmony in C12DS, creating new worlds for you to you to explore and delight in. Norn Society will go through many changes, including the loss of small birds. Small birds will flock to the computers that access 'ID-WORLD', and will stay there, staring at the screen, as though entranced by the movements of the creatures within. But do not be afraid! Soon larger birds will take the places the small birds once had. Chaos will ensue the loss of the small birds. Scientists, obsessed by the idea of other life, will work night and day to communicate with the string-like 1Dians, to no avail. To add to the insanity, priests will step forward and say '1D-WORLD' is the work of the Devil, and try to do everything in their power to eradicate it. Yeah... Just think about that! - Laura |
| Question from Krabby the Crobster on 9/22/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Krabby the Crobster, Oh look! A convenient distraction! Krabby, I want you to very s-l-o-w-l-y scuttle away. Scuttle away s-l-o-w-l-y Krabby, and don't look back! - Laura |
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