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| Question from Tired Grendel on 1/18/2007 | comment | 1 like Dear Laura, Dear Tired Grendel, Stop looking in the mirror. Ancient Albian mythology tells the story of a graceful and pretty Norn named Echo who loved another Norn, Narcissus, in vain. Narcissus' beauty was so unmatched that he felt it was Shee-like in scope, comparable to the beauty of a newborn baby Norn, or a butterfly. As a result, Narcissus spurned Echo's affections until, despairing, she left Albia for good. To teach him a lesson, the Hand doomed Narcissus to fall in love with his own reflection in the Frog Norn pond. Entranced and smitten with his own image, Narcissus lay on the bank of the pond and starved to death, staring down into the water. So, my friend, the moral of this story is; it'll do you no good to be vain because you'll just waste away into nothingness, like Narcissus did. So eat something, get some sleep and get on with your life. - Laura |
| Question from Hungry Aquanorn on 1/18/2007 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Hungry Aquanorn, Maybe you would all benefit from a swimming instructor. Ask the Hand to hire one who's patient and can work with you on your confidence, as well as your stamina. Who knows? Soon you could be swimming ten lengths of the Aquatic Terrarium on your own; you just need the right teacher.  But, until then, you'll just have to make do with standing on another Norn's shoulders in order to reach the food... I hope you're partial to soggy cheese.- Laura |
| Question from Clipped Bondi on 1/17/2007 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Clipped Bondi, Crabs, although they have vicious pincers, do not usually actively seek conflict. You may have gotten too close for comfort, and so it reacted in the only way it knows. Perhaps you should fast, so that your thumb isn't quite so tasty. In the meantime, with your other paw, try tempting the crab with a piece of detrius. If it will not be tempted, wait a while. In a few days either the crab or your paw will drop off. And look on the plus side! Like Pinocchio has Jiminy Cricket, you have a crab. Why don't you give it a name?  - Laura |
| Question from Glitchy Norn on 1/17/2007 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Glitchy Norn, Ask your Hand to download a patch for you. You should soon be back to your old self; pestering the Doozers, eating your cheese and hopefully, only levitating Norns when you've been on the Hooch. - Laura |
| Question from Norn Killer on 1/17/2007 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Norn Killer, Well, you're obviously experimenting with the wrong kinds of Norns here. Only amphibious Norns can survive for extended periods of time underwater. Only Toxic Norns can survive large amounts of Histamine. Only uber-violent Norns can survive three rounds with a pack of Grendels. Please take advantage of the myriad of genetic breeds available, you'll find that your game is much more enjoyable. Also, remember, these Norns depend on YOU to help them survive, so don't let them down. I'm sure you'll put up a great fight. - Laura |
| Question from K'aeloree on 1/17/2007 | comment | 1 like Dear Laura, Dear K'aeloree, I'm terribly sorry K'ae, but as Trish once got an 'eloquent' invitation to join a 'fan' (read: STALKER) for a romantic evening by a cliff, I've always considered it prudent, and ethical, too, to avoid personal meetings through the column. And by the way, darling, green suits everyone. - Laura |
| Question from A Magma Norn on 1/17/2007 | comment Dear Laura, Dear A Magma Norn, Psst... Just a little secret from one Norn to another... Our Hands tend to get touchy and mighty insecure (bless them) if you say anything about them other than "em love hand". Try saying the things it wants to hear, like, "no eat hand" and "eat food" and see if you're forgiven. If not, just face your fate like a hero, and think how fortunate you are that you won't have to be in your situation for much longer. Sheespeed! - Laura |
| Question from Sticky Norn on 1/16/2007 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Sticky Norn, You type extraordinarily well for a Norn who's struggling to type with her toes. With a talent like that, who knows what creative and artistic skills you can devote yourself to! But for now, try using your toes to do something more constructive than typing; why not try prising your paws apart with a sharp object? If that doesn't work then it's time to seek out your Hand's help and confess your sins. Maybe you won't be so eager to mess about with its possessions next time.- Laura |
| Question from Eem-Foo on 1/16/2007 | comment | 1 like Dear Laura, Dear Eem-Foo, Oh, the daily grind of being the official mascot and beta tester of C12DS. Didn't they fully brief you about your duties before you took the job? If not, that's disgraceful! I suggest you write a strongly-worded statement of complaint and register it with C.A.N.A., because they've deceived you and taken advantage of your helpful (if somewhat naive...) nature.  But for now, just invest in a flame retardant body suit and an iron lung, and hang in there soldier!- Laura |
| Question from This Is Bull on 1/15/2007 | comment Dear Laura, Dear This Is Bull, Now if I recall correctly, the - Laura |
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