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| Question from Me on 6/13/2007 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Me, I know you do. Appeal to the Hand to start up a 'Gadgets Anonymous' group. It?s about time that Ettins, like yourself, received the help and support they need! - Laura |
| Question from The Hand on 6/13/2007 | comment Dear Laura, Dear The Hand, You?ve been exporting them onto floppy disc and playing with them on the computers at the library again, haven?t you? It's irresponsible to unleash them in public places when they are so very easily influenced! Confiscate their books and Shakespearian plays and encourage around-the-clock wallbonking; it?s a sure fire method of making them lose all of their literary knowledge. - Laura |
| Question from Bee Gees Hand on 6/13/2007 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Bee Gees Hand, Hey, it?s a love match for the Not-So-Handy Hand?s Ettin Diva, Rama! Why don?t the both of you encourage them to join forces with their music? I believe that Rama?s in possession of a blueprint for her very own sound proof recording studio; they could both go off and sing duets together.  Who knows, this could be the start of a wonderful partnership... and perhaps later on, a whole singing family!- Laura |
| Question from Oh My! on 6/13/2007 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Oh My!, If others ask you for advice so often, then maybe you should open an Agony Uncle column! As a long-suffering Agony Aunt, I can tell you that the accolades and thanks wear off all too soon, so enjoy it while it lasts.  - Laura |
| Question from Nrn Luvs Grndl on 6/12/2007 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Nrn Luvs Grndl, Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow things down a little bit! Kids are a biiig responsibility and you don?t sound ready to inseminate just yet. The more sensible thing to do would be to take things slow and steady and continue enjoying his company. I know it?s very easy to fall for someone who treats you so nicely and sweeps you off your feet with romantic poetry, (I mean, what female doesn?t love that?) but how do you know that you really want to spend the rest of your life with Trouffel? Just see how things go before you make any rash decisions for the future. You might realize later on that this is just puppy love and move on; love comes in all shapes and sizes.  - Laura |
| Question from George on 6/11/2007 | comment Dear Laura, Dear George, An unsolicited, expensive gift for a female that is already spoken for is the height of rudeness, regardless of whether it's poisonous or not! I shall return your post forthwith, George, for you do not seem to understand the meaning of NO. - Laura |
| Question from Troubled Hand on 6/11/2007 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Troubled Hand, If I remember how the story goes... After they learn of the kidnapping, the other Norns will all decide to join forces and a rescue mission will begin to free you from Cruella?s evil clutches. They will manage to break into the airlock and sneak you out, but expect to run into some trouble when Cruella, and her two lackey Grendels, Jasper and Horace, notice you?re missing and chase after you in their hover vehicles. However, with an extraordinary twist in the tale, BOTH the hover vehicles will collide with each other and break down, all because of an Ettin who had the good sense to meddle with the mechanics hours before, meaning that you?ll all reach the Norn Terrarium and safety. As for your stolen watch, why not offer to trade it back from the Ettin for a nice smell emitter? Maybe the Ettin can give it to the Grendel. - Laura |
| Question from Norn Luv on 6/11/2007 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Norn Luv, It?s very easy to get attached to anyone who?s been placed under your wing. You?ve spent a lot of time around Sparrow and you?ve been there to guide and nurture him while he?s been growing up, so you two go back a long way. Nevertheless, when Hand/Norn relations start to become something more than just loving care, it can be seen an unhealthy thing that shouldn?t be encouraged, especially as your life spans aren?t really compatible. Maybe it?s just motherly love that you feel? Inevitably, Sparrow will find a sweet Nornette that he really likes someday, and you're just going to have to do the right thing and step aside, and let him work out his own relationship with her. (Hint: For starters, don't throw her in the piranha pool!!!). - Laura |
| Question from Not-so-handy Hand on 6/11/2007 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Not-so-handy Hand, You could set up some convenient teleporters and instruct the Norns to send her off to a secluded part of the Ship whenever she starts to sing. Either that or be accommodating by giving her the blueprint for a sound proof recording studio. Whatever you decide to do, at least then she?ll be able to sing to her heart?s content without everybody making a mad rush for the aspirin. However, if it doesn?t work out for some reason and she still continues to keep your Norns awake with her constant renditions, maybe it's time to schedule a live tour... Off the Ship, of course. - Laura |
| Question from Curious Onlooker on 6/11/2007 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Curious Onlooker, Even though I?ve heard nothing to suggest that it?s anything but a reputable institution, I wouldn?t want to be any member of the Evil Council if given the opportunity. I am too content here, on the good side of the divide. Get rid of the Psycho Grendels by confiscating their psychedelic Flower Power t-shirts and rose coloured glasses and send them home! I have good reason to believe that they?re in league with the infamous Green Hippie Norns! - Laura |
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