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| Question from Not Homer on 9/11/2005 | comment | 1 like Dear Laura, Dear Not Homer, Well, as you're asking on the behalf of a friend of a friend of a friend, Not Homer, I shall, once only, reveal what all female Norns want in a male Norn. Naturally, his eyes must shine, as though the stars themselves have alighted within, and they must glow with love and understanding during those long, lovely calf-eyed stares that are frequently exchanged. But a hint of mischief hidden within is needed, for who would want to live a life of boredom? His fur must be well-groomed, to add to his devilish handsomeness. It must also gleam with vibrant health like a stallion's, not too long and not too short. If it's too long, he will be fighting you for the mirror every morning and that is not the behaviour expected of a perfect suitor. He should know when to be chivalrous, and protect his mate and children with his life when necessary. He must also know where his responsibilities lie, and express his eternal love to you in a thousand ways each day, without fail. So, go forth and find the Norn of your dreams, then invite me to the wedding.  - Laura |
| Question from Alicia on 9/7/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Alicia, Definately not. Her name doesn't have capitals, which you should know by now is absolute taboo in Norn adoption. Try feeding her frozen worm meal and she may come around and add capitals to her name, but if she doesn't... I'd suggest staying out of sight, slowly destroying the computer from the inside. - Laura |
| Question from Sarah on 9/2/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Sarah, Seize the day and live life to the full! Indulge yourself in something that every Norn secretly dreams of doing; go swimming in the piranha pool, play in the airlock, or do a spot of Grendel baiting. - Laura |
| Question from Kelly Frustrated In Love on 8/30/2005 | comment | 1 like Dear Laura, Dear Kelly Frustrated In Love, Well you need to go and, like, tell him you like him. And then, like, kisspop his brains out. Then like, have oodles of little Norns and Nornettes. They're, like, so adorable! - Laura |
| Question from Shadow Ralts on 8/28/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Shadow Ralts, How did you get the Hand to write it for you? You are merely a simple toeless foot, not a mouth. Regretfully, the 'Ask Laura' range does not cater for your needs at present. However, we currently have a version of the pen in development that acts through mind control, though unfortunately testing has not gone too well. Several of our Treehuggers have ended up in hospital suffering from third-degree jabs, it's a very serious business. Coming soon to a screen near you! Perhaps. ![:\](/images/smilies/confused.gif ":\") By the way, I wouldn't suggest sitting in a vat of 'Insta-Grow', you may turn a putrid shade of green.- Laura |
| Question from Nya on 8/27/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Nya, Stop it with your unwanted advances and they should stop hitting you. An inter-species romance is a fine thing, but sometimes dating within your own species can solve many problems, like the Grendel's pesky instinct to "hit norn" or the Ettin's instinct to make off with your finest jewellery. - Laura |
| Question from Syrra on 8/27/2005 | comment | 1 like Dear Laura, Dear Syrra, Oh yes, definitely, simply because we're Treehuggers. Together we are truly one with the trees. We can feel tree sap running like blood through our veins, chlorophyll is implanted in our skin and wood shavings are scattered in amongst our fur. It is also little-known knowledge that a Treehugger can often be found in the dark tranquil of night, nurturing a lone sapling whilst listening to its innermost secrets and tales of woe. This grants clarity and an unspoken understanding with all trees. Yes, the wonders of nature certainly lie deep within our hearts and in our souls. - Laura |
| Question from Ching-Pah on 8/25/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Ching-Pah, You seem to be unique amongst your fellows, Ching-Pah, with a kind and compassionate heart to boot. That's a good quality which can rarely be found amongst Norn society today; nowadays it's more individualistic. So just disregard what the others say and play at being Chris the Hand Norn for a while. I'm sure your friend would appreciate some good company to lift her spirits whilst she's recovering, and some Chicken Soup to help her get her strength back. She'll feel better in no time, and have you to thank for it.  Funnily enough, I am currently sick with much the same affliction and will have to go on sick leave. Please don't suffer from any crises while I'm gone!- Laura |
| Question from Kelseykatking on 8/22/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Kelseykatking, This display of male orientated behaviour is the norm during the mating season. There's nothing you can do about it either, except oversee the situation with a cattle prod... And anyway, what's wrong with letting the other Norns inhabit the island for a little while? I'm sure they'd appreciate a holiday in the sun, don't be selfish. - Laura |
| Question from Kelseykatking on 8/22/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Kelseykatking, Teach her a lesson in sharing by suspending her in the cage at meal times whilst the other Norns eat their food. Then, once they've had their share, set her free so she can eat hers. Repeat the process until the lesson is learnt.  - Laura |
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