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welcome, guest |
| Question from Spookbeard the Pirate on 9/18/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Spookbeard the Pirate, Arr, me jolly lad. 'Tis a problem ye and your hearties got yeh selfs into indeed. Me main thought be this: Swim! Avoid these 'ere sharks, and mind the Sirens (they lure a man somethin' fierce, aye). Arr, one more thing ye should know; yer hearty crew all be damned, so save yer own skin, be a real scallywag me laddie! - Laura |
| Question from Annie on 9/18/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Annie, My only advice is that, on a full moon, stay away from 'The Demon Wolfie'. From the sounds of it, things could get nasty, and I unfortunately do not know the number for a decent exorcist. - Laura |
| Question from Cat Norn on 9/14/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Cat Norn, Try putting food at the bottom of the tree to tempt her, perhaps a nice juicy Stickletrout. She'll come down when she's hungry I'm sure. - Laura |
| Question from Cornelius on 9/13/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Cornelius, It took awhile for 'Ask Laura' to get this popular, and even now it still has its quiet times. I don't know how I get so many questions really, there's a lot of needy Norns out there, and it also helps that this column is featured on a popular sub-community. Remember, Creatures Caves has been around a lot longer than the Evil Council website has, it just takes time. Perhaps not everybody is depressed enough to write to you with their tales of woe? Or perhaps your advertisement campaign is in need of a revamp. I can usually find the time to answer all the questions easily enough. That and I have a helpful bunch of magical Doozers at my disposal. If you want some serious flair, malevolent Goblin minions should do the trick; every columnist needs an accessory.  - Laura |
| Question from PF on 9/12/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear PF, He now knows what the phrase "a sight for sore eyes" means. You should let him suffer for 21 days, exactly. During this time, you should tie him to a chair and poke him with sticks of varying materials. They have to be different materials because otherwise he'll think he's just being poked with the same thing. After 21 days he should be magically cured, and you should wag your finger at him for being so silly. However, deny all knowledge of poking him. - Laura |
| Question from Heidi on 9/12/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Heidi, Well, you're now faced with two choices. Either you disobey your parents and run the risk of not having enough to eat in the harsh winter months, or go out and get alcohol poisoning. In all honesty, this whole situation seems highly risque. I mean, how do you know that you're not falling into the wrong crowd here? While getting extremely drunk at your young age sounds very tempting, it's not exactly a great way to win friends and influence people. You don't know what kind of trouble these 'friends' could get you into. Would it be really worth it? ![:\](/images/smilies/confused.gif ":\") You sound like an intelligent girl with a sensible, upright character, it would be a shame for that to be tainted under peer pressure. I think you should go with your gut instinct and stay at home to collect the harvest, though it's ultimately up to you at the end of the day. However, I know you'll make the right decision.- Laura |
| Question from Anduin on 9/11/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Anduin, Educational, you say? That's what I'm becoming increasingly wary of! Should I really subject my poor, naive readers to the rabble that is the JRC, who have a infamous reputation for being a little left of the stable? How do I know you won't warp and corrupt their minds? Before long they'll be opening zip lock bags of fate and eating a lot of apples, for fear of perishing monsters that don't exist. And are you lot really qualified enough to take on my role? Not many people have PhD's in Norn Psychology, you know, and it takes more than a truckload of smelling salts, an elephant gun and a large dose of hindsight to get through the day. Maybe it wouldn't hurt as a one-day feature though.  - Laura |
| Question from Not Malkin on 9/11/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Not Malkin, Preferably to a male, she should be bright-eyed and bushy tailed, oh, and she must have healthy pink ears too, that is essential. A display of good housewifery wouldn't go amiss either. The female should strive to make her corner of the Capillata homely, whilst being a mistress of the culinary arts, and of course giving undivided care and attention towards her mate. A practical way of doing this would be to greet the male with homemade Cheesecake after a hard day in the lifts... wearing nothing but a smile. As I mentioned earlier, all Norns are philosophically opposed to clothes! - Laura |
| Question from Alicia on 9/11/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Alicia, Oh, that's very insufficient! Give her frozen spaghetti meal, you know, the kind that half-hearted mothers feed their Nornlings. It's irresistibly tempting, and you'll find that she won't be able to set these ones free either. Well, she could, but they wouldn't go anywhere. - Laura |
| Question from Reyan on 9/11/2005 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Reyan, I've heard that same-sex attractions or "hero worship" can just be part of growing up, a normal phase. In my experience, being in love, which very is different to falling in love, doesn't depend on anything but the personality of the one you adore. It can be quite natural for you and your fellow Norns to feel affection for one another, since you've probably never been more than thirty centimetres apart from each other your whole lives, if that far. I'd recommend that before you do anything, accept that it could either be true love, or a red herring, a feeling that will pass and fade, but is no less potent for the meantime. Regardless, I wish you the best of luck in your pursuits.  - Laura |
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