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| Question from Distressed Baby Norn on 11/21/2009 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Distressed Baby Norn, You?re too special to have a real Mama and Papa like your friends do. No, little one, you came from a very special place called "The Hatchery". A Hand goes there, when they want a baby Norn of their very own, and chooses an egg to take home with them and hatch. So see, you are very special and your Hand must love you very much because she chose you! I bet there's lots of grown ups in your world who would love to look after a Norn like you too.  Also, think of it this way, at least nobody nags you to brush the tangles out of your fur and you can eat cookies in bed without getting in trouble for making crumbs.  - Laura |
| Question from Hairdresser Hand on 11/21/2009 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Hairdresser Hand, I think it's the safety scissors for you in future, you're obviously no cut above the professionals! Fix your Norn up with a radical asymmetrical hairdo, it should cover up the hole where its ear should be. I'm sure it'll be smiles all round and he'll get a lot of attention as the most stylish Norn in Albia. Maybe, if you're feeling kind, put the ear in a jar and give it to him as a momento? - Laura |
| Question from PandaBear on 11/21/2009 | comment Dear Laura, Dear PandaBear, Teaching Norns a powerful skill like CAOS would be an extremely dangerous move, the idea has disaster written all over it. The young and reckless Norns among us (not I, I am very mature and responsible) might be tempted to use their new 'magic spells' to create absolute pandemonium. Can you imagine it? The air would be filled with sniggers, from dark secluded corners of the Ark... The next thing we?d know would be those rebellious Norns teleporting themselves to forbidden places, where the Hand won?t allow them to venture. Not only that, the Grendels would be terrorized by the threat of extinction and cheese would rocket above our heads, knocking the Gosh-hawk unconscious in the process. Who knows, they might go completely crazy and cause the lifts to multiply and swing in the air like pendulums. So no, I?m not going to tell you how to teach Angel CAOS, for fear it might lead to the end of our civilization as we know it. She?ll have to be content with a new toy instead! - Laura |
| Question from RJ on 8/13/2009 | comment Dear Laura, Dear RJ, Yes, perhaps with the guidance of a friendly Bondi Norn (you know how their type love to take to the waves, man!), your Norn will learn how to love the water again. I don't think it's a case of he can't swim, he is a Bengal breed, so once he regains his confidence, he should take to the water like a Kyutai Whale - just like his namesake. However, I strongly advise avoiding those maiden Aquanorns, as the lure of their siren calls may make your Norn forget all about the surface... Glug, glug. - Laura |
| Question from Chistamaria on 5/11/2009 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Chistamaria, I must say I was very surprised when your S.O.S. came, spelled out to me in letters by a swarm of highly intelligent mossie flies. However did you train them? To matter in hand though, it seems like you?ve really got yourself in hot water! There?s no easy solution to your situation, but take comfort in the knowledge that the chillies will grow back eventually, then you can grab a handful for your Mom and retreat very fast! Unfortunately, this re-growth will take a while and you?re going to have to avoid the Grendels until then. Maybe try playing dead? They might sniff around you or poke you for a bit, but they should leave you alone after that; no food is fun if it?s not moving! I am sending my reply to you with the mossie flies. I have also instructed them to pick you up some cheese on route back to the Jungle Terrarium. Pretending to be a corpse can be hungry work. Hang on in there! - Laura |
| Question from The Hand on 4/17/2009 | comment Dear Laura, Dear The Hand, I think you should pity your Grendels. Have you considered the possibility that maybe they feel their mother has been absent from their life (I've never seen her either, have you?), and so they're longing to fulfill that gap by seeking out their feminine side? It's natural that the others can't understand their dilemma. Your Norns, in particular, can?t imagine the possibility of living without ever experiencing the loving kisspop of a partner. Technically, they also have a habit of cowering before Grendels anyway. Import some female Grendels into your world - the Grendels might give away their skirts to real ladies. If not, at least they can swap makeup and fashion tips. - Laura |
| Question from Scarred For Life on 11/11/2008 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Scarred For Life, To be honest, I think there's bigger problems in crashing your computer than just losing your Norns, like losing your schoolwork! I can see that having their companionship certainly might've helped you escape from other daily stressors though. However, the elusive enigma that is the outside world; real life creatures, like dogs, cats, (and dare I say it?) human beings, can offer entertainment too! I also suggest a much tighter security around flammable objects like matches. Place them up on a very high shelf where little paws can't reach them. - Laura |
| Question from Distraught Norn on 9/6/2008 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Distraught Norn, I firmly believe that whatever you do when your drunk is what you?re too inhibited to do when you?re sober, which is why I never, ever, ever touch the stuff, it?s all far too dangerous! The fact that Crunchy was able to lose his inhibitions and consent to some mutual kisspopping with you, betraying Sara?s trust, could mean it?s quite possible that both he and Sara haven?t been happy in love for quite some time now. I?m willing to bet that Sara slapping you is partly down to these insecurities surrounding her relationship. I don?t know the extent of your feelings for Crunchy, or his feelings for you and Sara, but time is a great healer. Why don?t you keep a distance for a while and explore Albia to find yourself? You made a mistake, but you need to come to peace with it now. I hear that there?s a great view from the Purple Mountain peaks. Just stay away from the Hooch still! - Laura |
| Question from SpringRain on 7/14/2008 | comment Dear Laura, Dear SpringRain, Take some Commedia into the Jungle Terrarium and let it transform into a Grendel! Then set it lose on the Norns who are laughing at you, and allow it to terrify them for a while, that'll teach 'em not to tease you! In the meantime, while your stomach digests, PLEASE try and refrain from bonking any walls. You might end up being propelled backwards and bouncing all over the place!- Laura |
| Question from Romeo's Mother on 6/14/2008 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Romeo's Mother, The younger males being "too keen to kisspop!" is not uncommon these days, with boredom and like-minded females being rife. I think you need to accept that Romeo isn't so little anymore, and that he is beginning to experience the same 'friendly' urges that you did yourself when you were his age. Taking responsibility for one?s actions is a mark of maturity, and Romeo will need to have a mature attitude in order to care for his impending babies. I know it feels like he was a baby only five minutes ago, it does for every mother, but he has grown up and now needs to take responsibility. Maybe leaving the security of the Norn Home and starting his ritual Journey towards independence is the best thing for both of you, with his ten girlfriends and their baggage in tow (now that?s a crash course to adulthood right there!  ) He?ll thank you for it same day. As a future precaution, might I suggest The Pill COB from the Geatville Pharmacy for those lovely ladies?- Laura |
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