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welcome, guest |
| Question from Angry Old Norn on 3/3/2011 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Angry Old Norn, You can't fool me, Grim Reaper, I see through your disguise! I'm afraid you'll uncover no loopholes here; I'm not ready to enter Silicon Heaven just yet.  Don't you think you're being a little selfish, continuing to hound me like this? There are still a lot of troubled creatures who need my help, and who'd be there to offer them advice if I suddenly packed my bags and departed for the Afterlife? Imagine if there was a cheese shortage in Albia and my fellow Norns had no one to turn to, I'm sure you wouldn't want to be held responsible for the ensuing anarchy that would cause.- Laura |
| Question from Sue Ellen on 3/2/2011 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Sue Ellen, I do wonder how some of you still manage to write to me when you're in life threatening and secluded locations. Are you using the Ark's 'Flitter' network to send this message by means of social butterflies? Anyway; you should only push that big button when the other creature is inside the airlock. However, I prefer solutions that don't resort to Grendicide, so instead, use the airlock's intercom to fool Meg into thinking you?re hiding elsewhere. She'll go off looking for you, giving you the chance to escape and seek out Nick for protection. Given that he's Meg's boyfriend, I?m sure he'll be able to reason with her and help you both settle your differences... without you getting a black eye in the process. A Grendel's nature means that their love life can be rather turbulent, so it's probably safer to leave them to it in future!- Laura |
| Question from Shee Botanist on 3/1/2011 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Shee Botanist, Well I, for one, welcome our new photosynthesising brethren. As a Treehugger Norn, I believe that plants and I have a deep and spiritual affinity. Together we are one in the soil, joined at the stem, as though we all sprouted from the same seed. So you see, I?d never dream of uprooting any shrub like a 'bad plant'! To do so would damage a lifelong and sacred bond. I strongly suggest that you either locate a new place to conduct your experiments (and take the responsibility of creation much more seriously in future), or learn to co-exist with each other peacefully. Perhaps you could even extend your laboratory by building a greenhouse; I?m sure the Shee Ark is big enough for the both of you. - Laura |
| Question from Ung on 2/27/2011 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Ung, Amputation is such a messy cure, plus you'd be foolish to give the piranhas a taste for your blood. With the side dish of fungal cheese, I imagine your toes would make a rather moreish morsel for them.  I advise that you schedule an appointment at The Creatures Clinic instead. Having just opened her surgery to ailing creatures, I?m sure Dr. Mousienorn will be more than happy to provide you with the right remedy. In the meantime, keep your claws dry by steering clear of all ponds!- Laura |
| Question from Harold Milton Farnsworth on 2/26/2011 | comment | 1 like Dear Laura, Dear Harold Milton Farnsworth, Oh, Mister H. M. Farnsworth, you do know how to charm a girl! Although these escapades sound thrilling, and I am pained to turn down the offer of a cup of tea, I am afraid I just can?t accept. My 'husband', as you call him, is the earth itself. The trees, flowers and shrubs of Albia are my children, the sky my big, blue Mother-In-Law, and together we are one very happy family. Besides, as much as I admire your poetic way with words, I fear that I could never be content with a Norn so far from my own humble station. I must be free to be true to my roots and nothing can change my mind... not even a baby mongoose with a moustache! - Laura |
| Question from Investor Nettin on 2/25/2011 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Investor Nettin, Sadly, the Ark's economy is unstable. Stocks in machinery are likely to fluctuate whenever new agents are injected and shares in cheese can?t last forever, especially if you?re feeling peckish. The market for upholstery is no exception. It appears that the Grendel-Hide couches were mass-produced, in order to meet the overwhelming demand... before it was realised that few creatures can afford to live in such comfort. Let this be a valuable lesson to us all. Don?t lose heart though; just stick to what you know best, gadget hoarding, and you?ll soon regain your fortune. In the meantime, I?d vacate the airlock and find a safer place to sleep. I?m sure the Desert Terrarium has a discarded couch that you can occupy! - Laura |
| Question from Script Norn on 2/24/2011 | comment | 2 likes Dear Laura, Dear Script Norn, I only see a dispirited Norn who's letting little obstacles get in the way of his dreams. Any true artiste can make 'Beowulf' epic, even with finger puppets. However, I would suggest a more striking and menacing visual for the character of Grendel's Mother. Perhaps a glove puppet would suffice? - Laura |
| Question from Treehugger In Need on 2/24/2011 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Treehugger In Need, A Treehugger Norn can't be very happy in the dry heat of the desert, just like our beloved plants. If you really must stay there though, I know that Distracted Ettin, the Ark's newly appointed gardener, is eager to get his paws dirty. Why don't you approach him, with a few gadgets, and let him help you cultivate a garden with some desert-friendly flora? I assure you, life will be more tolerable once you're surrounded by Bramboo, Tubas, Grape Vines and carrots, plus you won't be short of food! As for the other Ettins, just ignore their snootiness. Bake a fresh batch of Quirky Cookies and you'll soon attract some likeminded company. - Laura |
| Question from Doozer Abuser on 2/21/2011 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Doozer Abuser, To tackle an addiction you need to find a substitute for your cravings. Why don't you try snacking on these Edible Doozers instead? This way you can eat as many as you want, without hurting anybody's feelings. You'd be doing your fellow creatures a favour too; how do you expect them to learn their words when all the Doozers are busy having a party in your belly? - Laura |
| Question from Abooksigunzaburoukirou on 2/21/2011 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Abooksigunzaburoukirou, Luckily, us Norns don't have to call each other by the names we're given. Thank Shee for nicknames, eh? Give yourself a new name and declare it with pride! Repeatedly. It will soon spread as the other Norns hear it, although there may be a slight chance that at least one will get confused and start calling a lemon 'Ylukyun'...- Laura |
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