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| Question from Music Norn on 11/2/2010 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Music Norn, You're in deep space, be thankful that you're even receiving consistent radio transmissions. Back in my youth, all we had was static, and we liked it that way! If you want more music on the ship, then I suggest forming a band using the drums in the Norn Terrarium and some assorted beeping gadgets. I hear the Grendels make good DJ's too. - Laura |
| Question from Alarmed Norn on 11/2/2010 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Alarmed Norn, The best way to get rid of flying lemons is to find the 'Sniggering Bush'. Usually it can be found in the direction the lemons come from, and sounds remarkably like a Grendel having a good time. Poking this strange and mysterious shrubbery a few times with a sharp stick will surely rid you of the flying lemon plague. - Laura |
| Question from Marvin on 11/1/2010 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Marvin, DON'T PANIC. Just dump a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster on your motherboard and all your worries will just wash away. Also, keep hold of your towel, that is extremely important. - Laura |
| Question from Replaced Norn on 11/1/2010 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Replaced Norn, Be brave and show the Hand exactly what you're worth by claiming back your home. You should be able to find lots of useful things in the Jungle Terrarium to dress yourself up like a fearsome warrior tribe. Armed with a Piranha-on-a-Stick, a Hollow-Fruit-Full-of-Wasps and some tall, spiky foliage, unite as one and stampede the Norn Terrarium! The sight of snapping teeth charging towards them on a spear should be enough to make those Grendels scamper back to where they belong! - Laura |
| Question from The Chef Hand on 7/23/2010 | comment Dear Laura, Dear The Chef Hand, Your Norns really ought to get used to all their food available for a healthy diet. Try preparing meals more suitable for their mental age. Something as simple as arranging their meals into fun shapes, like a face with a carrot smile and a cheese nose, should be enough to tempt them. If you want to experiment with your culinary skills for a more suitable audience, then why not invite a few fellow Hands round for a dinner party? I'm sure you'll find that your guests will appreciate your menu more. - Laura |
| Question from Hacker Norn on 7/22/2010 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Hacker Norn, Perhaps it was behaviour like this that got you confined to the airlock in the first place. If you continue acting up the punishments are going to get harsher and harsher, as the Hand tries to find a level of punishment suitable to dissuade you from misbehaving. It might be wise to realise the Hand has your best interests at heart, before you wind up being shipped off to live with the like-minded Sailor Norns. This may sound like a holiday to you now, but you?ll soon live to regret it when these scurvy dogs realise what a "lily livered sprog" you are, and turn you into their slave. Before long they?ll be swearing at you to swab the desks, or to hoist the main sails in a torrential storm. Quietly playing with toys and eating carrots in the Norn Terrarium will have never seemed so good.  - Laura |
| Question from Sad Hand on 7/22/2010 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Sad Hand, Your Norns have obviously become avid twitchers, converting the Norn Terrarium into an aviary. I'm afraid that drastic measures are called for, as this fixation is far too advanced. To rattle this gigantic bird cage, introduce them all to the Neko Ettins. Their feline features should cure your Norn's obsession with our feathered friends... And watch out for any unexpected 'missiles' from above; cats scare birds.  - Laura |
| Question from Little Norn on 7/21/2010 | comment Dear Laura, Dear Little Norn, No wonder you're struggling to learn English! The Learning Computer appears to be infected with a nasty virus, one that's corrupting the vocabulary files. The Hand just needs to install some 'Anti-Virus Grendel' (AVG) software on it and you'll soon be speaking the lingo like a pro. I'd recommend calling out an Ettin to help with the installation though, as it might prove to be a little technical. - Laura |
| Question from The Shee on 7/20/2010 | comment Dear Laura, Dear The Shee, Here's another interesting fact. The real Shee would never claim to have created the Hands. They probably don't even know of their existence and are too kind, and intelligent, to ever resort to such silly threats. If you claim to be as powerful as you say you are, then using one of your magic buttons to escape should be no problem for you. But you're probably just a Cheese Banshee, trying to escape from the cheesier dimension. We know your kind...- Laura |
| Question from A Norn on 7/19/2010 | comment Dear Laura, Dear A Norn, Amputate. - Laura |
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