Question from Singing Norn on 12/16/2009 | comment
Dear Laura, LAAAAAAAAAA! LAAAAAAAAAA! LAAAAAAAAAAA! Lalalalalala! No one likes my singing! Ahhhhhhh! Laaaaa! LAAAAA! Why is that?! LAAAAAAAAAA! - Singing Norn Dear Singing Norn, Take some singing lessons from those siren Mernorns... You can find them if you take a long walk off a short pier. I must hurry now, to the Medical Bay, I've suddenly got this most awful earache. - Laura |
Question from Curious Norn on 12/16/2009 | comment
Dear Laura, I pushed on the 'Reset Factory Settings' button on the Holistic Learning Machine, and now it's teaching everyone Bibble-speak! How do I re-program it? - Curious Norn Dear Curious Norn, Just walk away and pretend nothing happened. Deny all knowledge, and eventually the Hand will come along and find, to its horror, that all its Norns are greeting it with some incomprehensible, prehistoric babble and fix it itself. It knows where the 'instruction manual' is kept. After all, it certainly wouldn't be a laughing matter if it had to re-educate everyone by hand, now would it? - Laura |
Question from Ettin Get Gadget on 12/14/2009 | comment
Dear Laura, I have a problem that needs solvin'! There are no more gadgets to collect on the Ship! We looked from top to bottom, left to right, everywhere, but we can't find anymore gadgets! Where have all the gadgets gone? - Ettin Get Gadget Dear Ettin Get Gadget, It could be that the Norns are acting very selfishly and have hoarded and hidden away all their gadgets for themselves, and aren't willing to share! Nevermind though, just grab yourself a screwdriver (being so mechanically inclined, I'm sure you Ettins must keep one handy in the Desert Terrarium) and take away all the gadgets that are bolted down onto the ship. That'll teach the others not to be so greedy. ![[evil] [evil]](/images/smilies/evil.gif) - Laura |
Question from Kisabe Sabertooth on 12/14/2009 | comment
Dear Laura, Suffering from a bout of 'boredom sickness' as my Hand likes to call it, I accidentally swallowed that green blobby thing from the vendor next to the carrot vendor after it turned into a bramboo berry. Now I don't feel so great... What can I do? Ugh flib gargle... - Kisabe Sabertooth Dear Kisabe Sabertooth, This reminds me of that Robot Toy incident... If I were you, I'd eat everything in really small bites; like some tiny berries, or some seeds. This way the "green blobby thing" won?t be able to copy anything big and expand in your stomach. As for getting it out of your system, well, time solves everything. I'd also ask the Hand to inject some new, inedible toys to keep you better entertained.  - Laura |
Question from Thinker on 12/13/2009 | comment
Dear Laura, I was walking around Albia to clear my mind and an insane idea hit me! I want to create a device that can open a portal to the Handish world! But it is rumored that attempted entry into the Hand's world could result in death. So I'm in a dilemma - should I pick safety or science? - Thinker Dear Thinker, Please note that the Handish world is known to have three dimensions, as opposed to our two-dimensional world. It would be wise to think of the consequences, before sending a Norn to a world where its organs will have to be contained from all sides, instead of just the left, right, up and down. So, in short, just send a Grendel. ![[devil] [devil]](/images/smilies/devil.gif) - Laura |
Question from Chilly on 12/13/2009 | comment
Dear Laura, The Hand has locked a Grendel named Cake in the airlock for smacking Norns. Do you think the Hand should fire Cake out of the airlock, or should it forgive him? - Chilly Dear Chilly, Cake is just acting true to his Grendel instincts. While this can be overcome with persistent training, Cake could even be a boon in some situations. A scaly female may be seeking an equally scaly stud, or a Hand scientist may want to gengineer some extra-resilient Norns. Tell the Hand from me that it should appreciate Cake for what he is, and that he should be set free from the airlock and allowed to roam... Preferably a safe distance away from the Norns - they've gotta be considered too.  - Laura |
Question from Offspringless on 12/13/2009 | comment
Dear Laura, Ever since I was a Hatchling I've wanted nothing more than to be a father to a little me! But my partner and I have been trying for two seasons! It seems that something is wrong! We are both healthy and our Hand takes great care of us! I'm worried that maybe its fate saying I shouldn't be with my partner! What should I do? - Offspringless Dear Offspringless, Are you absolutely sure your partner is of the same species as you, and of the opposite sex? If your partner is of a different species to you or the same sex, no amount of kisspopping will result in the pitter-patter of tiny feet, so ask the Hand to install the Inseminator for you. With any luck, you?ll soon be asking the Hand for another favour; to go shopping for baby blankets and baby toys.  - Laura |
Question from Not Norn Food on 12/13/2009 | comment
Dear Laura, My Norns keep trying to eat me. How do I prove that I am not Norn food? - Not Norn Food Dear Not Norn Food, By not looking so darn juicy and succulent. Fend them off by lobbing some cheese in their direction - they need real food to gorge on! - Laura |
Question from Evelyn on 12/13/2009 | comment
Dear Laura, My Hand, 'scoota94', has been working in his GEN-LAB and I think he is trying to create a new type of Norn! I found a blueprint titled 'NORNI HUMAE', but I couldn't dechiper all of it! I got a F in school for Handish. I'm worried that this new Norn might be deadly, as the blueprint mentioned the phrase 'genetically unstable'! What the heck does that even mean!? Do you think I should be worried? - Evelyn Dear Evelyn, My own knowledge of Handish suggests to me that this ?NORNI HUMAE? blueprint, that you speak of, details the plans for a new Norn whose genetic makeup may share a chromosome or two with the Hand itself! It's no secret that Hands have always been experimental, with ways and means that only they know of. If this is the case, you really ought to give this new Norn a chance when it?s imported. A Hand-like Norn would be an extremely convenient presence to have in your world, in the event of the Hand going AWOL (imagine having a Norn around that knows how to fight disease!) and who knows? It could be that this Norn is a kind, gentle being who?s just misunderstood. It would be unfair to judge its character purely on maladjusted genes. I know that, to you, it may feel like your Hand is overstepping its boundaries right now, but I?m sure it only has its Norns? best interests at heart. - Laura |
Question from A Sad Lil' Bruin Norn on 12/10/2009 | comment
Dear Laura, My mommy went into da splicer wid a Grendel and hasn't come back! Plus dere is dis new kid called Grenda and she is a Bruin-Grenorn. What happened to my mommy? - A Sad Lil' Bruin Norn Dear A Sad Lil' Bruin Norn, As hard as it is to admit, your mommy has united herself with this Grendel in a supreme act of love, giving her own life and genes to create this Grenorn. Grenda is her daughter and your half-sister. Please don't blame Grenda for your mother's loss, the Hand would've told her of the cost involved. This is what your mother wanted, and she would've also wanted you to look after your little sister. Look on the bright side; you now have someone who can be taught to think the sun shines out of your tail. If you treat her right, she?ll do right by you. I think a bodyguard will be extremely useful to have around. However, you shouldn?t use this as an excuse to start picking fights with Grendels and then expect Grenda to protect you, rather you can now avoid any fur wedgies from those raucous adolescent Hardman Norns.  - Laura |
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