Question from Infatuated Fool on 5/12/2010 | comment
Dear Laura, I have had the pleasure of courtship acceptance, but there's a problem. My new Norn girlfriend is in the adolescence life stage, while I'm in the youth. Will this effect our relationship? - Infatuated Fool Dear Infatuated Fool, I can imagine how you must be feeling. Your heart is all a flutter and you?re anxious, but I assure you, there?s really no need to be worried. Your girlfriend has accepted your courtship because of who you are, and not because of your age. As wonderful as this might be though, young Norns like yourself must remain aware of their impact on those around them. As a species, we have been having a problem with adolescent egg-laying rates over the past decade, with underage kisspopping placing a hefty strain upon the Hand. Often the Hand is left saddled with too many eggs, and the difficult task of finding somewhere to store them all until they hatch! To answer your question: your age difference will not greatly affect the relationship, so long as you remember to take it slow. Spend time together before making any big moves; it is courtship after all. Enjoy a bite of cheese, sit by the honey pots, beneath the hives, and watch the bees buzz about their daily business, or just lay on the docks of Albia's beaches together. Who knows, she could be a youth by the time you're through courting! - Laura |
Question from Not a Writer on 5/11/2010 | comment
Dear Laura, Hey Laura, can I borrow your writing skills? I told the other Norns that I was an accomplished writer, the first of any Norn, but now they want proof! I was lying, as you may be able to tell, so I need a way of getting outta this predicament! - Not a Writer Dear Not a Writer, Perhaps you didn?t realise that the Ettins are more than just handy with blueprints; in the past they were accomplished wordsmiths for the Shee. This you can see from examining the stone tablets they carved notes into, which are now ancient Albian artefacts. So I say approach the Ettins and ask them to teach you some writing prowess. As they?re also gadget-mad, they might even supply with you a laptop to make writing easier, and give you that professional look you require. Why don?t I offer to teach you, you ask? Well, I handle copious piles of correspondence, and when I?m not replying to them all, I?m recovering from wrist cramps.  - Laura |
Question from Stink Ettin on 5/10/2010 | comment
Dear Laura, I love to eat cheese, it is my favorite thing in the world. Unfortunately, eating nothing but cheese makes my breath smell terrible, especially some of the blue varieties. I asked the Hand to inject some breath mints, but they don't seem to be doing the job. The other creatures won't come near me any more for fear of death breath. What should I do? I don't think I can give up my cheese habit. Please help. - Stink Ettin Dear Stink Ettin, This is what happens when a Norn offers you a piece of cheese. You get a taste for it, then you want a second piece, a third piece, a fourth piece and before long, you?re craving your twentieth piece. If you don?t control this habit soon, not only will you have bad breath, but you?ll also be too fat to squeeze through doors (including the fridge door to get more cheese!) Rather than nag for something to get rid of the smell, you need to work on reducing your intake. As you love it so much, make it a special reward if you're done something extra well. If you?ve worked double your quota, a small sliver of Blue Vein. If the Hand praises your machines, a slice of Edam. You should also start incorporating crunchy bugs, carrots and fruit into your diet to offset the halitosis. If you struggle, seek assistance from a cheese addiction support group. I?m sure there must be a forum, like 'Fromage Free Friends', somewhere on the internet. - Laura |
Question from Worried Norn on 5/10/2010 | comment
Dear Laura, Help! I was wandering about in the Jungle Terrarium, to get mushrooms, when a Grendel started to chase me! How do I make it *pant pant* stop? - Worried Norn Dear Worried Norn, Are you sure that you didn?t pick that Grendel?s personal supply of mushrooms by mistake? Drop the mushrooms and make a dash for the piranha pond, press the button to remove the bridge, then jump for dear life to the other side! There?s no way a huge beast can clear the pond like a nimble Norn can. Hopefully the Grendel should stop at the pond's edge and if you?re lucky, he'll fall in, leaving the piranhas to take care of him! ![[evil] [evil]](/images/smilies/evil.gif) - Laura |
Question from Arid on 5/10/2010 | comment
Dear Laura, Something awful has happened in Albia! Me and my Norn brothers and sisters have been used to the pampering of the Hand since we were born! But now, one year on, our Hand is nowhere to be found! We think the Grendels might take advantage of this and are deeply worried! Why do you think our Hand left us? And will it ever return? - Arid Dear Arid, I doubt that the Hand has left you completely... Maybe it?s just decided to teach you a lesson in survival? The Hand cannot pamper us Norns forever. At some point in our lives, we all have to learn to eat 'food' when we?re hungry, 'sleep' when we're tried and avoid deep sea diving in the ocean when we?re bored. But not to worry, if you do get into trouble, or if anything should happen with the vicious Grendel, then I?m sure the ever-watchful Hand will intervene and save you! - Laura |
Question from Norn With a Horn on 3/12/2010 | comment
Dear Laura, Help! The Hand has been playing with splicer and next thing I knew I sprouted huge horns out of the top of my head. How do I make the Hand get rid of it? - Norn With a Horn Dear Norn With a Horn, It?s possible that the Hand spliced you with a Fallow Norn. I don?t think there?s any feasible or painless way to remove the horns; as you?ve been spliced I think you?re stuck with them forever. But hey, look on the bright side, horns are nothing to be ashamed of! Why, in Fallow culture, huge horns are regarded as a status symbol. They?re quite an accessory, plus you won?t have any problems winning those costume contests on Halloween. ![[devil] [devil]](/images/smilies/devil.gif) - Laura |
Question from Circle on 3/7/2010 | comment
Dear Laura, Hello, I am a Micro Ettin and I am constantly made fun of for being so short. I've been hiding in the Norn Terrarium to get away from the other Ettins, but the Norns are too stupid to answer me! They eat all the food and disconnect all my machines... What should I do? - Circle Dear Circle, Don?t your fellow Ettins realise that good things come in small packages? There are many mechanical jobs, onboard the Ark, that you could do within a fraction of the time it takes the other Ettins to disassemble and reassemble the access panels. You?re small enough to clamber into the air vents and evict the pesky Mossie flies who?ve escaped from the Jungle Terrarium and built their nests in there. You could also eradicate the seemingly minor issue of the Grendel smell, which often wafts into the Norn Terrarium. Where it would normally take a week to re-route the ducts, you could accomplish this in a single afternoon by having direct access, and without leaving grease strains on the deck. So stand tall, (please, pardon the pun) and demonstrate to those bullies what an invaluable engineer your size allows you to be. - Laura |
Question from Leaf Lover on 3/2/2010 | comment
Dear Laura, Oh, Laura... I love your leaves! They're so pretty! It's like you've got a beautiful Foresty Norn-fur paint job! Can I have it? - Leaf Lover Dear Leaf Lover, That's very flattering of you, but I'm afraid I need my fur to keep me warm. I'd feel terribly cold without it, and I don't own any clothes like those 'Creatures Village' Norns. Although, I'm not sure I'd want to go around dressed in a jumpsuit and quiff like the late Hand, Elvis Presley, and the metal in those suits of armour can really chafe.  - Laura |
Question from Father Hen on 3/1/2010 | comment
Dear Laura, Lately, the Hand in my world has been trying to do this thing called an "IQ Test." Well, my Mom figured out that this meant "starve baby Norns" and she died saving my brothers and sisters from the IQ test. Now, I've taken up her cause, but no matter how many Norns I save, the Hand brings more! I'm intensely hungry for starch. How do I convince the Hand to stop this IQ madness? - Father Hen Dear Father Hen, Well, I've had a devious peek at the 'Game Manual'... Apparently if you all eat plenty of food, avoid wet places like oceans and ponds, refrain from spending too much time wanting to "push button" in the lifts, and resist the temptation to kisspop or slap any Norns you meet, you should all pass this "IQ Test" with flying colours. The Hand will soon get bored, you just have to be sly and play it at its own game. ![[devil] [devil]](/images/smilies/devil.gif) - Laura |
Question from Lonely Norn on 2/28/2010 | comment
Dear Laura, I have some Grendel body parts. My mother was Grendel, you see, so no one likes me! What should I do?! Should I say goodbye to the world and run into piranha pond? Or should I press the red button in the airlock? Or should I try to embrace my Grendel side and start killing those who don't like me, maybe...? - Lonely Norn Dear Lonely Norn, I would definitely choose the latter option and say you should embrace your Grendel side, but forget the part about killing those who don?t like you. Somehow I don?t think you?ll make many friends if you go down that route! Just learn to accept yourself for who you are. Your self-confidence will shine through those scales of yours and rub off on the other Norns, and then they?re bound to accept you too. Plus, an invitation to "push button" and a bit of mutual wallbonking can go a long way in forging those life long bonds. - Laura |
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