Question from Phatty D on 5/5/2007 | comment
Dear Laura, Yo Laurizzle, I'm one hardcore bro of a Magma! Woohoo! *clears throat* So here's the lowdown, dawg. I am cee-ravin' a nice lil' PS2. That be a PlayStation. But, ahh, my Hand don't know where to go to gizzle one! Tell me where, pleeease! With a cherizzle on top? Yo, dawg, this a-been Phatty D! (aka Fluffy Poopiekins... But you don't need to know that!) Later Yo! - Phatty D Dear Phatty D, Word up bruvva is that if yo' Hand don't know where to get an agent, the place to be is 'Where is da Agent?'. If it's not there, it's not made, dude. Also, props on the kewl name, Phatty D. If yo' Hand don't like your 'tude, tell them to change it. - Laura |
Question from Soldier on 4/12/2007 | comment
Dear Laura, My Hand has decided to start a war with another Hand, something about more processing power, whatever that means. He's issued a draft and I've been selected to go, how do I get out of this? - Soldier Dear Soldier, Processing power, completely unlike political power, can be bought. Inevitably a war will only cost your Hand more in resources, lives and time than simply working to buy a newer processor. It might be worth explaining this to him, as his motives sound a bit confused. Go and diplomatically suggest that he just needs to save up his pennies and get a newer processor, rather than go to war. You may also need to rally your friends to the cause in case he considers you a 'volunteer', though. - Laura |
Question from Perry Rod Norn on 4/4/2007 | comment
Dear Laura, Hi, my name is Perry Rod Norn, the purple Creatures 2 Norn. What the heck is a 'Grendel'? - Perry Rod Norn Dear Perry Rod Norn, You claim to be a member of the Norn population, yet you do not know what a Grendel, the ultimate arch-nemesis to Nornkind, is? You've either had a very sheltered upbringing, or you're a human being pretending to be a Norn posting questions. If you are the latter, next time do your research before submitting to my humble column please, I am a very busy Norn. If you are in fact a Norn, be grateful that you have the blessing of not knowing what a Grendel is; you must?ve never encountered one before. Avoid going near the volcano and it should stay that way. - Laura |
Question from Sleep E Head on 3/31/2007 | comment
Dear Laura, I'm always tired, even when I eat flowers that are supposed to give me energy. What's wrong with me? - Sleep E Head Dear Sleep E Head, I think you need to ask the Hand for more ecology lessons, as you still seem to be confusing 'herbs' with 'badplants'. The herb that gives you energy is called Morning Glory and it shouldn?t be confused with the badplant Nightshade. Although both are physically similar, Nightshade will make you fall asleep. It's not surprising you?ve been so tired! - Laura |
Question from Baby Norn on 3/22/2007 | comment
Dear Laura, My Mama went to da Grendel towawium to look for my Papa. Now she's been gone fow a hawf a howuw, and I'm gettin' a widdle wowwied. Showld I look fow her? Pwease excuse my voice. - Baby Norn Dear Baby Norn, No. Don?t go looking for them, you may only end up going missing yourself. The Jungle Terrarium is extremely dangerous and is not a place for young Norns. Maybe your Hand can go in and check on them. But, oh dear, considering where they've both gone and how long they've been in there... I'm sorry but I think you need to prepare your little self for the worst. It's a sad and difficult fact to accept, but it could be that your Mama and Papa won?t come back in good health or even alive. Just be brave for your parents and remember that every Norn experiences this at some point in their lives, so you?re not alone. Also, take comfort in the knowledge that the other Norns will be around to look after you whatever happens. - Laura |
Question from Desperate Treehugger on 3/22/2007 | comment
Dear Laura, I am a female Treehugger Norn and I really (reeeeally) like this Toxic Norn
who lives in a different room, but every time I get near him I get sick and then my Hand slaps me! What am I to do? - Desperate Treehugger Dear Desperate Treehugger, Explain to the Hand your deep felt love for this Norn and ask for its help and blessing. As far as getting sick goes, that's the cost of love. We all have to make sacrifices for the ones we love, I just hope you?re happy and making the right decision. Might I suggest you stock up on medicines though? - Laura |
Question from Scared Baby Treehugger on 3/22/2007 | comment
Dear Laura, Today my Hand came home with a new dinosaur toy. It's really cool, and I'd love to go play with it, but I've been REALLY SCARED OF REPTILES ever since a Grendel killed my mother. How can I conquer my fear? - Scared Baby Treehugger Dear Scared Baby Treehugger, I suggest you try spending more time around the dinosaur, just a little at first, until you become less fearful. Give it a name, have conversations and play games with it, anything that will help alleviate your fear. I?m sure it?ll turn out to be a good companion for you, and possesses no Grendel traits underneath its scaly exterior. - Laura |
Question from Desperate Hand on 3/18/2007 | comment
Dear Laura, All my Ettins are bored, but they won't play with any of the toys I put in front of them! Do they like to be bored? - Desperate Hand Dear Desperate Hand, Don?t Ettins like gadgets, not toys? Ettins are descended from engineering stock, meaning they are pretty much fixated on technology. I'd suggest that you use this to your advantage and move them to the Bridge with some nice machinery to play with. They might even build something useful! - Laura |
Question from Random Female Norn on 3/2/2007 | comment
Dear Laura, Um, I was pushing a big toy in the garden and then I notice some random male Norn staring at me. He's been staring at me ALL the time! For days! How can I tell him that I'm not interested? - Random Female Norn Dear Random Female Norn, He might not necessarily be staring at you, he could be staring at the big toy. Perhaps he wants to play with the toy as well, but is too shy to ask you. Often it?s natural for boys to feel bashful when they?re faced with talking to a girl, why don?t you approach him and ask if he wants to join in? - Laura |
Question from Cheeseburger on 2/25/2007 | comment
Dear Laura, Have you realised there is no currency for us Norns? How am I to charge my fellow "companions" for the toothpaste they so desperately need? We are not as primitive as you may think. - Cheeseburger Dear Cheeseburger, I?m not even going to ask why any Norn would need some toothpaste... They don't have any toothbrushes! Bartering usually works well in close-knit communities like yours. Why don?t you use this to your advantage and use your natural resources for example, carrots, to trade with them for goods? Every Norn likes a freshly dug up, crunchy carrot so I don?t think you?ll find that many will turn their nose up at such an offer. Don?t meddle with the blue carrots though, they only lead to trouble. - Laura |
|