Dear Laura,
     We've done it! The Grendels have been thrown out the Airlock! The Grendel Egg Layer has been destroyed! We've arranged for the Ettins to stop stealing our gadgets (which we now know how to use properly)! We have knowledge of medicines and we have a clinic. We no longer wallbonk, nor are we distracted by lifts so much, and we can now fend for ourselves! We are perfect! ... Now what?
- Bored Norns

Dear Laura,
     I was walking in KT one day, when suddenly I noticed something, it looked like one of us Sabertooths, but it seemed completely different in personality, it even had a different colour than us, would you explain what it was? It is scaring my siblings and I, and we are hiding in the Bone Cave, low on food.
- Lost Sabertooth Norn

Dear Laura,
     Just a few minutes ago, a Grendel wandered into the Norn Terrarium. We were scared, but before it could harm us, it dropped dead! What a magnificent stroke of luck. Now we're wondering what to do with the body. Maybe we should simply dispose of it in the pond? Or maybe send it back to the jungle with a message saying we killed it and we'll do the same thing to any other Grendels who enter the terrarium? Could you help us decide what to do? It's starting to smell.
- Scheming Norns

Dear Laura,
     Grish hate Hand. Grish intensely hungry for starch. Hand hit Grish when Grish eat seed. Grish hit Hand. Grish in cage above piranha pool. What Grish do?
- Grish

Dear Laura,
     Alas! I am struck with a torture most heavy on my heart. Love, I fear it must be, for there is a Norn and when I see her, betwixt the incubator and the fair tomato tree, my heart aches and groans beneath the affection harboured in my breast. Pixie-like, is she, and pinkish flax in hue. And love a thing more? Oh! I cannot say I do. I approached her one fair Albian day, arms laden with fine berries, cheese, a toy or two, in hope to please the little maid; the fair Norn flower! I crouched beside her sleeping head for hours, hoping only that she'd wake. And joy of joys, soon enough her sweet head rose, and gazing into unfettered, blinking eyes I proposed: "Fair em! Fine babe, delicate Nornish entity, oh dazzling one, angelic with the greatest faculties of the Shee: could you find it in thee, the kindness to love one such as me?" Quoth simply and beautifully she: "em coo", yet unable to answer or methinks to understand my words. The sorrow broke me, as now I tell. So here I beg: wise Laura! Agony Aunt, reveal to me, what could the problem in my courting be?
- Thespian Lover

Dear Laura,
     I believe my rogue cheese has written in to your column! Where is it? I must find it so that I may EAT IT!!!
- Cheese Lover

Dear Laura,
     I am constantly being attacked by vicious Norns!
- Cheese

Dear Laura,
     There is this Grendel and well... um... he's not like any other Grendel I've ever met. I was walking through the Jungle, when suddenly I saw him. I don't know how to express my odd feelings, but I felt like I had butterflies in my stomach and I couldn't help blushing! I tried to walk over to him, but my legs felt as if they turned to jelly! I am afraid, am I sick or something?
- Confused Hardman Girl

Dear Laura,
     Not too long ago, the Shee Ark and the Capillata were populated with many creatures, critters and plants. Then one day I woke up and they were all gone. Luckily the food vendors and toys were still there so I was able to stay alive. I looked everywhere for them, but sadly no matter where I looked, there were just toys and vendors. Where did all the creatures, critters and plants go?!
- Norn All Alone

Dear Laura,
     Ever since I moved here from Albia I have not been able to find a good tomato. There are a few growing in the Jungle but they are tiny and sour. Do you know where I can find some ripe juicy tomatoes? I think I'm going to be sick if I have to eat another Pumperspikel seed.
- Starving on the Starship