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|  Lollipop Lord
C-Rex
    

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4/8/2009 | |
The sound of one thousand galloping hooves was heard from all around; Rayon the Conqueror was leading his army into battle. Rayon was a large, grotesque, Jungle Grendel with only one arm. He was leading his army on Grazerback to take over the Land of the Banshee; he had been plotting revenge ever since the Banshee Grendels had burnt his left arm off with a deadly potion. He was furious with them and wanted to wipe out their kind with his army.
As the Jungle Clan Army neared the Banshee Land, a loud scream was heard and and the Banshee Grendel Queen, Grissa, led her minions to fight. Grissa was not a beautiful sight. Her face was covered in warts and her teeth jutted out of her mouth. Her huge, red eyes had a soulless look to them and she wore a crown of bones on her head.
"You wretched jungle scum-bags will never take our lands!" she screeched as she shot a dart covered in poison at the approaching army. "We are the superior race, we are said to be descended from the great Banshee herself, whilst you disgusting things are the creations of those science-obsessed wackos the Shee!"
"I will never forgive you cowardly mercenaries for what you did to me." bawled Rayon, showing Grissa the repulsive stump of his missing arm. "Besides, this land is ours. Living here is a privilege to you".
Rayon lined up his troops so that they were surrounding the Banshee Village and with a loud "CHARGE!" his troops went racing in, beating up the Banshee Grendels and burning down their houses. However, Grissa had other ideas. She recited a few magic words and a swarm of wasps appeared above the Jungle Grendel troops. The wasps stung the Grendels so hard some fell too the ground paralyzed but this wouldn't stop Rayon. "Right everyone, equip your swords!" barked Rayon. All of the Jungle Grendels pulled their swords out and charged again. This time however, Grissa was mad with fury. She chanted some magic words. However, this didn't summon a swarm of bees. It summoned an earthquake! Rayon's troop fled back in terror. They had never experienced an earthquake before.
Suddenly Grissa lost her footing when they ground beside her opened up and she fell into the fault. Thankfully her scaly leg got caught on a plant, but she was in desperate pain as the thorns sunk into her flesh. "OH HELP ME SOMEONE PLEASE!" she sobbed as tears trickled down her face. Suddenly Rayon heard the cry for help and thought it was a member of his troop. He rushed over instantly and helped her, but to his dismay it was the Banshee Grendel Queen. "Oh please spare my life Queen Grissa!" he pleaded. But to his surprise she didn't strike him with her claws but stroked his face. "Thank you." she whispered gently to him, and slowly chanted a magic spell. Instantly Rayon suddenly felt some life in his left arm - Grissa had made his arm grow back.
Both Grendels got a white flag each and held them up above their heads. The gathering crowd of Jungle and Banshee Grendels began to encore. Rayon shouted, "Banshee Grendels, Jungle Grendels, we are now united." |

Officer-1BDI
   

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4/23/2009 | |
Ooh, intriguing. I've never thought of how the Banshee and Jungle grendels would[n't] get along before.
You may want to consider breaking down your story into more paragraphs, though, because it's a little hard to read as-is.
You have to be honest with yourself when you are writing. If that leads to somewhere unexpected then perhaps you really needed to go there.
-- Jim Adkins |

Melody
    
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4/26/2009 | |
I love this story so far!
Please continue!
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EmergencyTowel
    
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7/1/2009 | |
Very intriguing. of course,it would be awkward if your worst enemy stroked your face.
In my nerd cave, nobody can hear you scream.
Feed my pets: Shroomy and Glow! |
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