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 Lollipop Lord C-Rex    |
Today at school I was bullied a LOT. I was insulted by a boy in my science class, and in P.E when I wore some tracksuit bottoms, this boy kept on saying I was wearing bin bags, and saying I had a "disorder" which prevents me from running, just because I cannot run very fast. This may not seem much, but it is when you realise it has been going on since last september. Even though boys shoudn't cry, I cried hard before I posted this  . I really need some advice on how to deal with this situation. |
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 Officer-1BDI |
First off, the whole "boys shouldn't cry" mentality is stupid, and it pains me whenever I hear someone call on it like it's gospel. Don't feel bad about crying over something that's genuinely making you feel bad. ETA: ...In light of Dream's post below, I think I should clarify. Crying in front of the bullies is going to encourage them, yes; so if you can help it, try to save face. But that's advice anyone being bullied should consider, regardless of their gender. The last time I was bullied in HS (you'd think at 16 they'd find more interesting things to do, but no...), I was able to ignore the girls behind it for the most part because, frankly, their bullying didn't make any sense to me. It was clear they thought I was some sort of science fiction geek (which is true, but how they got that impression from me during a summer school PE class, where absolutely no discussion went on, I have no idea) and they loved to randomly come up to me throughout the day and call me Zoltan. Now, having never seen "Dude, Where's My Car," I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about. So instead of getting mad at them, I either asked them what they were talking about or I didn't react at all (hard to do in most of these situations, I know, but I was too confused to be offended). It took me unintentionally spooking them to get them to quit, though. :/ We were running around the school for our morning laps, and the two of them jogged up to either side of me, screamed "Zoltan," and then jogged on ahead. So I sped up, got right behind them, and asked them in a genuine tone, "Why do you keep calling me that?" I hadn't realized that they had no idea I was right behind them, and they both jumped, screamed, and ran away without answering my question. After that they didn't interact with me... I guess they thought my stealth questioning was too much to handle? >_> The truth is, I don't know how to deal with bullies. Most of mine either lost interest or it took me "scaring them off" (always unintentional; I'm not a confrontational person) to get them to stop, and I really don't like to recommend the latter because it has the potential to escalate the situation. I've had mixed results with explaining any bullying to the adults in my life. The only time they were interested in intervening to stop the bullying was when I was being sexually harassed by some classmates.... Which reminds me, if these guys ever escalate to the point where you start to feel threatened, I wouldn't hesitate to tell an adult. There are some things you shouldn't handle alone... or shouldn't have to, at any rate. I wish I had a proper answer for you, but I don't know the answer. Some people are just scum, period, and you have to learn how to interact with them on a daily basis. It gets a little easier when you become an adult, because the bullying becomes a lot more subtle and easier to ignore... but I wouldn't say it ever goes away completely. It's June right now; are you almost done with school? Will you have to see these guys next year? You have to be honest with yourself when you are writing. If that leads to somewhere unexpected then perhaps you really needed to go there. -- Jim Adkins |
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 Tea Queen Laura |
Very sorry to hear about this, C-Rex.  My advice would be to tell a teacher that you feel comfortable talking to about these bullies and see what can be done. I was also bullied back when I was in high school, so I know full well that the idea of telling on a bully is scary, but the school should be made aware what's going on. If you feel you can't tell a teacher, tell your parents - either way you should tell someone who can help sort things out. If the bullies aren't stopped, they'll only be free to carry on and bully other people. |
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 Dreamnorn |
Ouch. Sorry to hear about that. Most people have been bullied sometime in their lives (I haven't yet), but it's not their faults -- the bullies are the ones who have the problems. Find a teacher, parent, or other adult you trust and tell them what's happening. They don't have to necessarily get involved or speak to the bully, but just sharing the problem will help you feel better, and they can support you, advise you, and help you stand up for yourself. Many teachers have experience in dealing with bullies, so they could probably help. Practice looking and sounding confident. Bullies are usually cowards who pick on people that they think are weaker than themselves. Stand up tall and hold your head up high when you walk around school. Speak clearly and strongly, and look people in the eye. Try to ignore any behavior that it intended to make you feel scared or bad about yourself. Convince the bully you aren't bothered by them, and they'll quickly get bored. Try to think of ways to deal with situations ahead of time. Practice things to say if they taunt you. Crying or shouting tends to make things worse, whereas a clever and casual remark, which is neither rude nor sarcastic, will make you seem confident and in control. Try to remain calm and reasonable. I hope this helps!   |
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Tea Queen Laura |
Indeed, even just talking and getting it all off your chest can do wonders for making you feel better, and even if a teacher just keeps an eye on things, rather than intervening - you don't have to be alone in what you're going through. Dreamnorn's got some very good advice there. |
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Officer-1BDI |
Practice looking and sounding confident. Bullies are usually cowards who pick on people that they think are weaker than themselves. Stand up tall and hold your head up high when you walk around school. Speak clearly and strongly, and look people in the eye. Like Laura's already said, that's very good advice. Even if it doesn't deter the current group of kids (though there's a good chance it might), it should help keep others from even considering you as a target. You have to be honest with yourself when you are writing. If that leads to somewhere unexpected then perhaps you really needed to go there. -- Jim Adkins |
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Lollipop Lord C-Rex |
Thanks everyone for the advice. |
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Dreamnorn |
I am just happy to help. I hope my advice was acceptable. ^_^ |
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 Squishy-Fudge |
i've been bullied all my life pretty much. i'm a little strange to be honest. (yay randomness!) and nobody gets my sense of humour (except my friends. just 3 of them. nice little group  ) and i just tell them to go away in a kinda 'I'm Bored/Not taking notice' voice. y'know. where it goes high and soft ish.they usually go away after a week or so of that. (except one, but she's just annoying full stop.) |
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 Wup |
I get bullied all the time for how I walk. I've gotten used to it. I think the best way to deal with them is to completely ignore them. I know, people ALWAYS say just to ignore them. But it really does work. All they want from you is to see you get upset over something they said to you. What you do is never make eye contact. Never, ever, ever. Pretend they aren't there. Repeat to yourself in your head that by making fun of you they aren't making themselves better than you, and that they'll go away if you ignore them. Trust me, it helps alot. ps. I haven't played Monster Raannnrrrnnchhdoggy |
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 Sixty Third Karias |
I'm soo sorry to hear about that, C-Rex. But first I must admit - The boys not crying thing? That's what makes people weak. Simply thinking such a stupid thing is true is what makes you weak.. Anyway, I really hope it doesn't happen again. When I was in elementary school, I had bullies too. I wouldn't know what to say for advice, because the only thing that helped me was moving on to High School, but... First : NEVER react. Kids who make obvious or noteable reactions get the bullying more and more. You're feeding them. Second: ... Well, I can't think of much right now. Sorry. -Karias; a bit fruity and gone bananas in the wrong climate!  |
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 Starbucks4ever |
Oh, geez. I was bullied throughout my school years. Nothing I did worked, including just ignoring them. Somebody always had to get involved for it to stop, usually the principal, but most of the time I just lived with it. Furthermore, I couldn't hide my emotions well at all. I felt like crying, and they saw it. A big reason I got teased is because the focal point in my eyes is higher than it should be, meaning my pupils go up when I look at someone, or something. So it looks like I'm looking skyward. I hate the fact I was a premature baby... Know what? Bullying ruined me. I'm generally horrible in social situations, particularly that which deals with new people, or speaking in front of people. When I was really young, I was outgoing, talkative, and liked everybody. That was before I entered kindergarten. Years later, I have depression, dislike most people, and avoid others when I can. The internet is one of my few solaces. I'm not as introverted as I used to be, but am still scarred within. I'll always have the bad memories. Some people can turn a blind eye and ignore bullying, and go on with their lives unaffected. I was just one of the unlucky ones. Because of that, I can't really give any advice, I can only say that I know what it is like. |
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Lollipop Lord C-Rex |
I guess that's one of the things beginning school can do to you . |
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 Julia |
I know how you feel. I was bullied this year on the bus, coming back from one of my volleyball games. These girls pegged volleyballs in my face and threw their empty water bottles at me on the bus. Everything turned into an uproar, it was bad. So don't worry your definetly not alone  |
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 Malkin Manager |
I've found that when I've complained about bullying to my old school, I haven't been believed. My parents always believed me, thank goodness, otherwise I would have been way worse off. It got better as I got older, though, partially because the big kids left, my classmates mellowed, and I found myself a good group of friends. However, when I did get older, I had to deal with the punky smaller kids. Told them to rack off, which worked most of the time, but once I had to tell my vice I was planning to lodge a restraining order against a particular pair to get any kind of official action. In a way, I was doing it for their own good - if they don't learn to behave properly in high school, what's going to happen to them when they get out in the wider world? C-Rex, I'd suggest keeping two diaries. One should be a diary full of everything that made you happy each day. It can be whatever you like in there. If you find that when it comes time to write, and you can't think of anything, do something to make yourself happy. You can read back on this to remember your past happinesses whenever you're blue.The other, which I would suggest out of my own experience of not being believed by the bigwigs - a notepad with dates, times, and a description, as baldly factual as possible, of what they're doing/saying to you, and what you're doing/saying back. Name names. Sometimes writing it out can help you to think about things more clearly, or think of a killer comeback. Or at the very least, provide the evidence that it's been ongoing. My TCR Norns |
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Squishy-Fudge |
8O THAT DIARY THING IS GENIUS i should try it. but my only diary is from 2005 and only has 2 entries in it (i was never good with things like that, because my mam has a tendancy to nose around in stuff, including my diary :/) i'm the same as starbux. except i've always been shy, but that was just because i was 3 and everyone was taller than me (including other 3 year olds) but then people started bullying me because i was the smallest in my class and i was a complete nerd and i only had 1 friend (who i'm still best friends with today) its better in the comp, because all the people who were bullying me in the primary are in different classes, and i've made friends with people from other schools (who also get bullied :< ) but the problem is, there's more bullies now (which stinks) and i find it very VERy hard to ignore people. i especially h ate the people who make you do or say stuff and then say they're gonna grass on you and leave you nervous and jumpy for the rest of the day while they don't even mention it. |
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 KC11 |
Really sorry to hear that C-Rex. I've been homeschooled all my life, but that doesn't mean that I don't get bullied. At least, in the sterotypical "female" way (you know, plotting behind your back, telling secrets, that sort of thing irks me.) and have often been shut out of groups just for being "different". Do not upset the ugly worm, lest it be a dragon in disguise. (>oo)> |
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Dreamnorn |
Personally, I am rather antisocial when not online. I prefer to be alone, reading, drawing, and generally avoiding people. I am homeschooled, but I go to workshops where I am typically keeping to myself both during recess and class time. I don't mind that I'm different, but no kid seems to have a problem about me not really socializing with them. As far as I can tell, I've never been bullied (at least, not obviously). |
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