Dear Laura,
     I, being the smartest Grendel, and, if I say so myself, (which I do - I'll say it again, if need be) the most intelligent creature Albia has ever seen, am ONE calculation away from the secret to the universe! I am certain that the answer is the amount of boards that the Mongols could hoard if the Mongol hoards got bored, squared to the power of the amount of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked, divided by the amount of wood a woodchuck chucked, if a woodchuck could chuck wood, times the square root of the daily income of she who sells sea shells on the sea shore! Sadly, even I can't figure out the answer, being but a humble Grendel. Surely, a mighty Agony Aunt such as yourself could puzzle out the answer, given that you are so wise and bright.
- Grendel Philosopher