Dear Laura,
I am a Grendel who is in love with the Hand, but it doesn't love me back. It keeps slapping me and throwing me around the Comms Room. What should I do?
- Fig
Dear Fig,
Inter-species relations are a bit of a tricky issue and aren?t usually smiled upon, and I do believe the Hand thinks the same and is showing its extreme displeasure! Unless you really treasure the prospect of ending your life as a quirky type of piranha bait, you should stop what you?re doing and seriously contemplate what good you can expect from this, what already seems to be, destructive affair! Personally I think that no good will come of it whatsoever, as the Hand clearly does not love you back, and you?d be much better off finding a mate of your own kind. As much as a relationship with an all-powerful being sounds appealing, nothing can possibly beat the satisfaction you could get from looking elsewhere. Imagine dining on fine mushrooms in the Jungle Terrarium, or stalking defenseless Norns with your partner in crime, a female Grendel who has beautiful sparkling scales. Trust me on this one, a Hand is too snobbish to even dream of doing any of those things. 
- Laura