Dear Laura,
Why, what a fine day it is, Laura. Alas, this fine day could be even finer if I was not confronted with such a glaring problem! Just minutes ago, I
was enjoying a piping hot cup of tea with some good Norn friends of mine in the Meso, oh, and Ted Brunswick was there too, a fine, fine Ettin if there ever was one, a fine fellow indeed. Anyway, so we were enjoying a fine cup of tea, mine was Bramboo tea, which I let steep for a very long time (it's very good, especially with lemon) and as we were sitting there, chatting about the latest trouble stirred up by those dreadful Grendels, we were interrupted by a loud blaring alarm! I jumped up from my seat, nearly spilling my tea, to see what all the fuss was about. I ran as fast as my paws could carry me to the Comms Room,
followed by my dear friend Mortimer, a jolly fine Bruin, to see what all the fuss was about. Chaos, I saw, alarms and blinking lights everywhere. I was bloody lucky to have gotten away without a seizure. On the giant screen there flashed the words "Trajectory Warning: Impact Imminent." Now, I never was good at understanding Shee speak, after all, I am just a Norn with a regular education. What does it mean? What can we possibly do? My friends and I are all worried sick, why, even my tea couldn't calm me down. I hope you can help us, Laura. Please respond quickly, I fear we may be in danger!
- Sir Harry Bucksworth
Dear Sir Harry Bucksworth,
I must say good sir, it is just super to be able to converse with such a fine well-spoken Norn like yourself, and indeed, what a glorious day it is, tip top I say, with not a cloud in the sky. Before we get down to business, how simply splendid it is that you partake in a cup of tea! I am quite a lover of the tea leaf myself, favouring the 'English Breakfast' variety by 'Twinings', an excellent Handish brand, I have it imported, you know! But alas, I am blathering on. I am so terribly sorry that you are having this glaring problem; I imagine that you must be a bit peeved. Not that I am a great expert of Shee speak (it never really featured highly in the Learning Room at my prestigious Norn University), however, my dear fellow, "Trajectory Warning: Impact Imminent" means that some rotter's thrown a whopping great something your way, and it would appear it's going to hit you smack-dab in the face, which is very unsporting. I suggest finding one of those great big paper beasties, often full of corking ideas on how to fix muck-ups on board; the Shee?s 'Operations Manual', if you will. Somewhere inside the rather dry pages of script, you'll find how to use what the Shee called a 'Telescope', or some such gadget. If you can find this contraption and point it in the correct direction, you'll find yourself with a scrumptious view of whatever is blundering your way. Once this has been achieved, use the 'Operations Manual' again to find out how to adjust the Shee Ark?s position and thus avoiding a ghastly disaster. With a little luck, dear chap, you'll be sitting back for tea and crumpets within the hour! How marvelous.
- Laura
