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Dear Laura,
Help (hic')! I am a Bengal and I (hic') just tested (hic') myself and they say that I have (hic') high levels of (hic') alcohol when I obviously (hic' hic') do not (hic') have a sign of (hic') alcohol in me (hic'). How can I (hic') convince my Hand that I'm (hic') not as drunk as I say (hic') I am. No wait... (hic') I am drunk as I says I'm (hic') I'm not as drunk as I (hic') says I is! No... (hic', hic')
- Sober (hic') Bengal

Dear Sober (hic') Bengal,
Firstly get rid of those DAMNABLE hiccups; they're annoying and obviously make you appear as tipsy as a Shee Lord. For a drunk Norn you are quite adept at stringing sentences together, so use that in the argument against your Hand.
- Laura