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Question from One Bored Norn  on 10/27/2013 | comment | 2 likes

Dear Laura,
     A plague of Locust Ettins came down the other day, and ate all of my crops! Now what am I going to do for fun?
- One Bored Norn


Dear One Bored Norn,
     Some Hands say when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I'm not sure what you can actually make with bare earth, but it's probably better if you don't drink it. There's so much potential for new crops; perhaps invest in a lemon tree or two, so you can start making the aforementioned lemonade. With time, you can build up an entire enterprise based on lemon-flavoured drinks. It's sure to be a winner. So turn that Locust Ettin plague frown upside down, and start afresh, with a refreshing new business opportunity!
- Laura
 
Question from Determined Gill Norn  on 10/27/2013 | comment

Dear Laura,
     I can't breathe on land, and had to have an Ettin build me an underwater computer just to send you this message. I'm not alone down here, but the only other Creature down here is a grumpy Grendel who likes to slap Norns like me. I just wanted to write in and say I'm your biggest fan, and to ask something. How can I breath air instead of water? I want to visit a certain lady Norn I saw through the aquarium glass one day. [heart]
- Determined Gill Norn


Dear Determined Gill Norn,
     That certainly is a worthy reason to want to breathe air! It's like the story of the little MerShee who fell in love with a handsome Shee prince, who lived in a palace on the shore. Perhaps this same Ettin could help by engineering a special water-containing helmet, in order for you to breathe for a short while on land, before having to return home? This is a rather rough predicament, my dear Determined Gill Norn. Fret not though, for love always finds a way! If you cannot come aground perhaps there's a way for the lovely lady Norn to visit you under the sea! I hear that scuba diving is a popular pastime amongst Hands; perhaps your Ettin friend has some clever ideas involving an oxygen cylinder and a pair of flippers up its sleeve.
- Laura
 
Question from A Not-Miserable Grendel  on 10/27/2013 | comment | 3 likes

Dear Laura,
     Everyone around me looks at me strangely. They say my face is a permanent frown, but I'm fairly sure I'm always happy! No one wants to hang out with me because they say I always look miserable! I've tried wearing a mask, but they only laughed at me then. I feel like I'm from a different world, because of this. Do you know where my real home is?
- A Not-Miserable Grendel


Dear A Not-Miserable Grendel,
     There's nothing wrong with you my friend, you're fine as you are! You have something called a 'genetic mutation', a curiosity thatís prized by many Hands. Have you tried acting happy and doing happy things, so that other creatures know you're smiling on the inside? If that doesn't work, talk to your Hand and ask if it can find another Hand who likes extraordinary Grendels; that way you can go somewhere where youíll feel more at home!
- Laura
 
Question from Why Beetles?  on 10/27/2013 | comment | 3 likes

Dear Laura,
     Carrot Beetle racing isn't safe anymore! My mother died in a freak beetle accident when the beetle flew up her nose! No one knows how that killed her, but now they've banned the sport, and the Carrot Beetles are eating all of the carrots for revenge (turns out they hated racing). What do we do?!
- Why Beetles?


Dear Why Beetles?,
     Firstly, my condolences about your mother; what a BEEzarre way to go! Secondly, Carrot Beetles eat carrots because they're Carrot Beetles and they don't care about revenge, they just want to eat carrots! If I were you, I'd cut my losses and take up snail racing instead. They're much easier to overtake, for starters...
- Laura
 
Question from Connection Lost  on 10/27/2013 | comment | 3 likes

Dear Laura,
     The Hand said it was just going to be gone for a few seconds to install a "patch" and now everything is a mess! I think the Hoverdoc and the dispensers have become sentient! The Quirky Cookie Machine is throwing cookies at Norns, the Lemon Pod is trying to squirt lemon juice in my eye, and the Hand is no where to be seen! Even the Hoverdoc is hovering ominously next to me. What can we do?! Oh no, the Hoverdoc is coming closer! It-
- Connection Lost


Dear Connection Lost,
     First and foremost, DON'T PANIC. Get everyone to the Workshop as quick as you can but don't run, you'll only spook the sliding doors. Once you get there, 'push elevator' and lock yourselves in the Containment Chamber; you should be shielded from any flying cookies and demented Hoverdocs in there! While you're waiting for the Hand to rescue your world from disaster and make its repairs, the vendor inside the chamber has plenty of Yarn Fruit, Star Seed and Peking Pie for you to munch on. Just take it easy with that delousing spray though; there's no point in me trying to save you all, for you to then suffocate in a confined space! Don't worry about the Hand's disappearance, I suspect it's just hiding from embarrassment. You'll probably find it'll re-appear as soon as the 'patch' is uninstalled.
- Laura
 
Question from Stingerly Addicted  on 10/27/2013 | comment | 6 likes

Dear Laura,
     I... have a problem. I seem to be addicted to eating stingers even when they hurt me! I just can't resist them whenever I lay eyes on one. They are like quirky cookies, you know, you can't have just one! My Hand is getting fed up and said it wasn't going to give me the stinger's antidote anymore! Help!
- Stingerly Addicted


Dear Stingerly Addicted,
     Perhaps you could try branching out a bit and explore the ship's other tasty appetizers! For instance, the Norn Terrarium's native ants and grasshoppers are just as crunchy, and I hear they're better for your waistline too. Just rub a little chili pepper on them and you'll have that same spicy 'kick', but with none of the poison.
- Laura
 
Question from A Dashing Red Norn  on 10/27/2013 | comment | 5 likes

Dear Laura,
     When I was born with a silver spoon in my hand, and a golden crown on my head, I just knew I'd be loved by millions. Instead everyone is jealous of my crown, and a mean Hardman Norn stole my silver spoon! Is there any way I can make them see my brilliance? Also I want my silver spoon back. [ncrying]
- A Dashing Red Norn


Dear A Dashing Red Norn,
     It sounds like your friends would also like to play make believe with the dressing up box! Why not let them join in too? After all, there is more adventure to be had when a game is shared with others! I know for certain that our Ettin neighbours enjoy a good role-play with plenty of props (regardless of whose props they were originally)! However, in light of their kleptomaniac tendencies, it's probably better not to put them in the role of Robin Hood which, by the way, might be your first port of call when looking for your silver spoon. [nwink]
- Laura
 
Question from Disconnected Hand  on 10/27/2013 | comment | 3 likes

Dear Laura,
     My poor ChiChis have been saying 'push portal' every day now, and I really don't know what to do! I don't dare break it to them that the Warp is gone, but I don't know how to help them. Their portals won't turn on and they look so sad! What should I do?
- Disconnected Hand


Dear Disconnected Hand,
     I've always found the ChiChi Norns to be very understanding creatures and I think yours will be no exception! Simply tell them to the truth; that the portal doesn't work anymore, since the Ettins in charge of its maintenance have now hung up their tools and retired. Never mind though, because there are still plenty of other gadgets around the ship for them to tinker with, all with blinking lights and enticing whirring sounds! Have you introduced them to the elevator buttons yet? ;)
- Laura
 
Question from Not a Creatchi  on 10/27/2013 | comment | 5 likes

Dear Laura,
     Lately my Hand hasn't had much time for me. It keeps talking about needing to take care of its 'Creatchi'. What is this 'Creatchi' it speaks of? Should I try to push it? Hit it? Maybe even kisspop it? How will I get my Hand to play with me again? I'm so lonely without my Hand always there to tickle me.
- Not a Creatchi


Dear Not a Creatchi,
     Oh, how I feel for you. Since you refer to yourself as 'Not a Creatchi' though I can't help but worry that you're focusing too much on what you are not, rather than what you are. Existential angst is never very healthy, especially in young, impressionable creatures like yourself! I think you would benefit from the daily practicing of some T'ai chi, which would have two benefits: Firstly, it will clear your mind and help balance out your negative energy, and secondly, it will add some much-needed 'chi' into your life! Clearly this will make you more attractive to the Hand.
- Laura
 
Question from Ben the Suspicious Norn  on 10/27/2013 | comment | 1 like

Dear Laura,
     Every year or so the hand leaves us around this time of the year, but where is he going? When he comes back he surprisingly brings us lots of new stuff. We don't think he creates all this stuff himself, therefore we suspect him of stealing. Since there is no intergalactic police in our world we cannot report it, but we're planning on setting up a few traps ourselves. We cannot accept criminality in our world! Do you have tips?
- Ben the Suspicious Norn


Dear Ben the Suspicious Norn,
     Have you been experiencing inter-species strife with the Ettins? Have you found that useful gadgets disappear at critical moments? Has this, perhaps, made you a bit jumpy? The Hands are not Ettins. Ettins take, but Hands usually give. Every year, around this time, all the Hands get together to share new things for the benefit of all creatures. So, let go of your suspicions, relax and enjoy your presents. Even if your Hand didn't help create them, other Hands did and gave them freely!
- Laura
 

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