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View Details (2)
Malkin
Razgriz| Agony Aunt Advice Column | |
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| Submit A Question |
Check back soon! |
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| Dear Laura, My Norn seems to be suicidally inclined, and I don't know what to do with her. She has tried to drown herself in the Aquatic Terrarium, tried to set herself alight using the hot rocks from the volcano, and often starves herself. Her mate is completely distraught, and I can't make him happy. Please, what should I do? - K'aeloree Dear K'aeloree, The only way to deal with your Norns' emotional state is to encourage her to face her inner demons. It's the only way, believe me. Perhaps she is going through a midlife crisis of sorts? Or perhaps she is simply depressed. My advice would be to: Keep her away from sharp rocks and other sharp objects, try to stop her from walking off edges and keep her away from as much harm as possible. Do not let her stray from your sight. Anyhow, this gift basket of easter eggs might cheer both her and her mate up! - Laura |
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| Dear Laura, How do you deal with all of the questions you get? You must get *awfully* tired of writing out replies. How do you do it? - Tridon the Ettin Dear Tridon the Ettin, With a truck-load of smelling salts, an elephant gun and a large dose of hindsight.  - Laura |
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| Dear Laura, I have two Norns, one is really old now and is called Alan Rickman and one is a teenager called Raura. The problem I have got is that Raura keeps on following Alan and wants to have his babies. Seeing that Alan is about 125 years old, surely this is a bit weird and very sad. What can I do to stop this and how can I make Raura like Norns her own age and stop fancying old git Norns? - Raura's Daddy Dear Raura's Daddy, Firstly, you must realise that "old git Norns" as you so eloquently put it, have higher sex drives than normal males. This makes them understandably more desirable to female Norns of a younger generation. Secondly, an average Norn's lifespan can in fact, vary from up to ten hours, not 125 years. Raura obviously has an acquired taste for the more mature male - a welcome change from some of the other Norns she must know. You know? The ones who act like their shoe size and not their age. In order to stop Raura liking Norns that are so much older than her, Alan will have to go through a long mating process with her, after which she will be too star struck to do anything. You will just have to sit back and watch it happen, begrudgingly. I'm sure she will quite happily repay your act of concern for her, with a swift kick up the backside for mentioning this most embarrassing and personal dilemma publicly, once she's read this response. (To my loyal viewers: Yes, that was actually my father submitting that question. Everybody laugh at him! )- Laura |
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| Dear Laura, Where can I find tips on how to torture my Norns? I need many sources. ![[evil]](http://creaturescaves.com/images/smilies/evil.gif) - norn torturer Dear norn torturer, *Raises an eyebrow* You're telling me that you find pleasure in torturing innocent, vulnerable Norns? I don't know any sources and even if I did, I wouldn't tell you. All Norns deserve respect, they aren't just toys that you kick around when you get bored. Want some advice? Get a hobby! - Laura |
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| Dear Laura, My C2 Norn Charles must think he's a lawyer or something. On several occasions, I've seen Charles, and two angry-faced Norns speaking babble and "Me dislike...", snatching a toy or a piece of food out of the other Norn's hands. A few minutes later, Charles would give the food/toy to one of the other Norns. That Norn would get happy, when the other one would eventually gain a smile and walk away. What's with my Norn's behavior? - Onna Dear Onna, What you've said is self-expanatory really... To me, it seems obvious that Charles wants to maintain the peace within Albia by keeping everyone happy. These are the true qualities of a peacemaker, let alone a lawyer. - Laura |
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| Dear Laura, I put my Mascot Norn underwater and she drowned. Why did she Drown? - Kat Dear Kat, Since Mascot Norns are non-aquatic, they shouldn't be placed into the water, as this only results in them drowning because of the lack of oxygen underwater. - Laura |
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| Dear Laura, My favourite Norn followed me to school today, and even enrolled in several advanced placement classes! Now every other kid thinks he's the greatest thing since the Creatures Caves Forums - and he's at the top of my Algebra class! What should I do? - Out-shone Dear Out-shone, *Rolls her eyes* You raise a Norn to be super-intelligent and this happens! I think it's about time you showed him who's the smartest in Albia don't you? Take him onto The Weakest Link and let him face the wrath of Anne Robinson! That should cure his bouts of "I'm-more-intelligent-than-you-ness!". - Laura |
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| Dear Laura, My C2 female Norn is making this freaky-looking angry sort of face and slapped her mate. Is she suffering from mood swings or something? I'm worried about her and the Norns around her. - sarah Dear sarah, What have you done to make her so angry? Download a nice punchbag COB so she can take her anger out on it. If not I suggest introducing her to the Grendel volcano. It may be a bad case of constipation for all we know. - Laura |
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| Dear Laura, Help! I am an agony aunt on a well visited website, yet recently I am getting very few questions submitted. What do you suggest that I do?! - Agony Aunt in Agony Dear Agony Aunt in Agony, Funny...I know an agony aunt in the exact same situation as you.  I suggest that you be very patient and wait for people to be inspired and ask you heaps of questions from the goodness of their hearts. I'm sure that they haven't forgotten you and realise how much you love your job.  - Laura |
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| Dear Laura, It's a scorching summer in Albia, and my Norns are getting very hot and unhappy. How do you suggest we cool off? I tried throwing them in the ocean, but they just end up drowning! - Warm Brit Dear Warm Brit, Supply your Norns with oxygen tanks before you throw them in! - Laura |
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| Dear Laura, My Norn, Lil, is in love with another one called Pan. But Pan keeps going off and flirting with other Norns, even though he is supposed to be going out with Lil. She's getting really upset, what can I do? - Kiz Dear Kiz, Take Lil out on a blind date to cheer her up. Get a luxurious Limo COB and buy her a fancy dress because she obviously deserves someone better than that "I am the Shee's gift to females" Pan. - Laura |
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| Dear Laura, I disagree with your opinion that pink hair is cool. One of my Norns, Sunny, got his hair dyed pink as a prank by another Norn, Athena. He was a dipstick before, and he still is. - Vega Dear Vega, What have you got against pink? I would naturally choose pink because it's my favorite color. I haven't had any complaints so far. It sounds like Athena has good taste. You go girl!  - Laura |
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| Dear Laura, My Norns have a soap-opera problem. My one male, Nick, loves a female, Kerry, who's mothered children with 20 random Norns so far (none of whom are Nick), and her cousin, Sarah, is in love with Nick's older brother, Chris (who has fathered one of Kerry's children). But Chris is in love with another Norn, Julia, who loves Nick. What should I do? - Andio Dear Andio, Like Trish once said: "The best way to stop a soap-opera is to stop the actor's paychecks." Hire a camera crew and a producer to write a storyline where Chris "accidentally" got killed when he was tragically bundled by a mob of Ettins dressed up in Grendel costumes at a fancy dress party. The ratings will be higher than "The Simpsons"! *cough* Problem solved. - Laura |
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| Dear Laura, I have a big Creatures 3 problem. My Hand has what you would call "Vicious Grendel Syndrome". It has been known to attack, kill, maul, starve, drown and slap Grendels to death. I have become concerned because it seems to have a mind of it's own, and I'm beginning to think it has it in for me. Oh no, here it comes! Meh love hand! Ouch! - IbibGrimNorn Dear IbibGrimNorn, Get a sledgehammer and show it who's boss! Geez... Norns should really start sticking up for themselves! If that doesn't work assemble a gang of Hardman Norns then sit back and watch the Hand get teared limb from limb! (If that doesn't work try introducing it to the piranhas... ).- Laura |
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| Dear Laura, I have a Grendel in my world who likes to kiss-pop one of my Norns! They have been best friends since hatching, but it's too strange having them kiss-pop! I find it sad that nothing will ever come of their love, and want to ask you if there's anything I can do for this pair of star-crossed lovers? - Malkin Dear Malkin, It's like "Beauty and the Beast" isn't it? Or perhaps "Romeo and Juliet"? A story of two creatures secretly in love, much to the disgust of others... Okay I'll shut up now. Anyhow, I say make the most of it. Love shouldn't be a dilemma you know. Take them out to dinner in a fancy restaurant and watch them blossom. Let them go on romantic midnight strolls in the gardens of Albia. Look at the bright side... At least they are not beating each other up!- Laura |
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